Why?

Why did this happen to us? Why did God choose us for this? Why are we having to go through this? Why, why, why???? These are things that go through my head alot! I have really had a hard time the last few days especially knowing that Hudson is almost 37 weeks(gestation age). I feel like for the 2nd time I have been robbed of something that is suppose to be so special-the birth of your baby! Many of you that know us or have read my blog know that I had a bad delivery with Jagger, and now obviously a crappy time with Hudson! I feel like God did not really make me to deliver babies! Several times over the last week I have gotten upset because I am suppose to still be pregnant! I am suppose to be at home getting a nursery ready and picking out cute baby stuff! I am also broken hearted because Matthew and I have officially decided no more babies! I cant stand the thought of putting our family and another baby through this again! My chances are extremely high of getting this again and I just can't even imagine it a second time! I know that is not 100% guarantee and God is in control but I feel he has blessed with two precious boys that we can enjoy!
I can not believe Hudson is almost 2 months old!! The time has truly gone by fast! He has had a really good weekend! Today he was worn out but still doing well. They noticed he was working pretty hard to breathe so they took xrays and found extra fluid on his lungs! They decided to bump up the lasix to get rid of it! Tonight at 9pm he was suppose to try and take his 1 bottle but he just couldnt do it. I dont think he had enough energy but the nurse said that was ok! We can try again tomorrow! So instead of worrying about he got fed through his feeding tube and I sang him to sleep! I was rocking him in the chair and singing Jesus Loves Me and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, the next thing I know the nurse is waking me up so we could put him to bed! Needless to say we both truly enjoyed the "cuddle" time! It was a great way to end the day!
I am also super happy because my Jagger is going to be up here with me all week!! :)
Hope everyone has a blessed night!