What They Forget To Tell You..

I know it has been awhile but I'm here and happy! I have been needing/wanting to write for a few days but everytime I try something happens that gets in the way! I have really been feeling this way about alot of things here lately! I think the "postpartum" junk is slowly starting to hit me. I feel like in the beginning I had my Supermom cape on and was truly focused on getting in there and making sure we were all going to be ok. Now that everything has somewhat settled, I am truly feeling the pressure and difference of having two kids! I know some of you are reading this thinking, "Pssshh, quit whining and put your big girl panties on, I have got 4 kids and have a full time job!" Well, let me tell you.. If this is you I have tons of respect for you! 

Hudson is 9 months and the last month has been tough on me. I find it funny that we read all these books about the time before the baby gets here, what your body will go through and how to prepare but I think at times we forget to tell people what will happen after that sweet bundle of joy gets here! 

*My first major thing that happened that no one told me about is what I like to call the "c-section walk". If you have had a c-section then you know what I am talking about.. This is something I never want to experience again in my life. I can't explain how horrible this is except the nurses and doctors want you to try and walk the next day after you have been ripped open. I remember laughing and crying in their faces (both times!! And the 2nd time I knew it was coming) When you finally manage to get your body out of bed you feel as though your stitches are going to rip back open! I am pretty sure several times I was holding my stitches telling the nurse they were ripping open and that we should check them! She just laughed....then after you can finally climb in and out of bed you walk bent over like a 100 year old woman with a walker, but you dont have a walker!! Its awful! I am cringing thinking about it. After I got released from the hospital in St. Louis and we moved into Ronald McDonald house, we were coming in from a very late night at the hospital and this man was standing in the kitchen. He saw us and said, " girl you just had a c-section. I can tell by your walk!" We died out laughing! 

Ok so not only do you have the walk but the scar hurts bad or at least mine did. My scar hurts so bad for awhile I did not want anything touching it so what does this mean??? I sent my awesome husband out to buy the largest underwear he could find!!  His face when I ask him was hyseterical.. You want what??? He comes back with exactly what I ask for.....the underwear almost came up to my bra!!! But hey they didnt touch the scar!! 

* next is hormones.....Good Grief the hormones!! With Jagger, he was 1 day old and I am laying in the hospital bed crying because I dont want him to grow up!!!!! Matthew and I laugh now because it was funny! But at the time I am sure he was wondering what in the world is going on. It is unreal to me how a new mom can go from smiling to crying in a matter of 30 seconds! 

I had really thought my emotions were under control.. Wrong? I look back and yes I did cry in St. louis but I think i tucked a lot of it away so that I could be "strong"... Well its hit me now...like I said earlier the last month has been hard on me. I have been having nightmares about everything that happened! I see Hudson the day he coded over and over in my dreams! I wake up gasping for air with tears on my cheeks. I got sick the last time in St Louis when we got close to the hospital... Just alot of weird things! I am not sure if its a combination of hormones and everything that happened is hitting me now or what???

*no more me- I had forgot completely about having a new baby at home. Jagger and I had gotten in an awesome routine before Hudson... Well that is out the door! I was actually laying on the couch earlier telling Matthew that it amazes me how I have no time for anything... I cant seem to get laundry done, I cant seem to get my quite time in, I can't get makeup on, I cant get a shower during the day, and even some days I cant even respond to a text! I know I sound super "complainy" here but its unreal how the day goes and I have no idea what I did but by the end of the day I am exhausted!! The other day I barely had time to put my shirt on because I had a million other things to do... We were about to leave and thankfully I looked in the mirror to see pants with my pj top on!!!??? Tonight I got a shower and it made me feel amazing! I felt like a new woman! And I had a little time alone to breathe! 

* body changes!!! This is a big one for me!!! It was amazing to me how much my body changed after babies!! When I was pregnant with Jagger I seriously had one of every bra size....talk about change!  After I had him and lost the weight, on the scale I weighed less than before I got pregnant but my jeans didnt fit?? I remember being so upset but everything had been moved. My body was different! With Hudson there hasnt been much change but I have had other CRAZY things happen! Several months ago I started loosing hair like crazy! It actually scared me. I would stand in the shower and small animals would come out of my head!! Come to find out I was loosing the hair I had gained during pregnancy!!! And then on top of that my hair looks horrid now. It has started growing all this new hair around my hairline that is out of control! It sticks up. It has wings. It looks greezy! And I am sure it doesnt help that my hair stays in a ponytail 99.9999% of the time!! My kids probably dont recognize me when I actually fix my hair and put on makeup!!! 

I will have to say even though we go through so much, it is totally worth it!!!!! The babies are such a gift and I wouldnt change it for the world. I just thank God everyday that he has allowed me to be a mommy and I just hope that on the days that I am in a slump that I am still being the best I can be... Hope everyone has a blessed night! 

Lots of love