Dreaming!

For the last few days, I have serioulsy felt like I have been in a dream and I will wake up any minute! Well guess what???? I have tried and when I do I am still laying in this hospital bed in St. Louis! The tears start and the ONLY comfort I have is God's voice that comes over me and says, "i'm here".  I have all these thoughts and emotions just like a rollercoaster.... Why me? This is not fair? I should be home with Jagger getting ready for Christmas, what could i have done different to prevent this?, and so many other things until I just have to stop and tell myself that we are here because this is in God's plan! We cant explain it and we dont know why ,but we are and we are dealing! I do know 100% something good is coming out of this! I cant see it now but I can feel it! I just know God is up to something fantastic and it is awesome to know he is using us and this sweet baby boy for such a purpose!
Tomorrow i plan on posting about the whole thing from the beginning! I know there are many that still dont know what is going on and I want it for us to go back and read! I will NOT be posting pics because it would scare you and for those of you who get the pleasure of seeing me I am sorry! My nurses and doctors can not believe how different I look from pics we have shared with them! I am so swollen I dont even recognize myself! I think I am up about 25lbs in fluids- so basically I am a huge marshmellow laying in bed! Its not cool!
I also can not end this with out saying how wonderful my husband is! He is more than I ever deserve!  He has not left my side and is holding my hand each minute! I know if he could switch me places he would! He is my life and I cant imagine one second without him!
Love all of you! Please keep up the prayers! We completely feel them!