Monday, September 23, 2013

It's Fall!!

Woohooo...It's the 1st day of Fall and I am one happy gal! Last night we had a small scare with Hudson but other than that we are doing great!! He was really having a hard time breathing...we had to get a hold of doctors to find out if we needed to come to hospital or keep doing breathing treatments...thankfully after another treatment he started feeling better! I had a long night and didn't get much sleep from worrying! Its the first time I have been scared since we have been home! but this morning he woke up with a smile on his face! ;)
I am so excited about fall! It is my favorite time of the year! Our home is slowly turning into a "fall wonderland (instead of winter wonderland!) - I know I am weird! ;) We are not quite finished but when I get done I will post pictures! and if you know my son then you know what one of his favorite decorations for Holidays that I can't stand is....BLOWUPs!!! Well.....Thanks to Grandma Betty and Jagger we will be displaying several this Halloween season! ;) Oh well it makes Jagger so happy and that is all that matters!
We are also super excited because this week is the Delta Fair...It is a huge deal around here and the fair parade will be on Tuesday so tonight people will be setting up chairs so they will have a spot! It makes me laugh...I have mixed emotions on the fair...One side of me loves it like a child! I Love the Food!! I already have my list of food I will be enjoying! I love getting to see everyone! and now that Jagger is old enough to ride the rides, I LOVE watching how happy he is on the rides! It is worth every penny to hear him laugh and squeal on the rides! So that is one side of me...The other side does not care for the word- GERMS!!! It is a huge pool of germs! It actually makes me sick thinking of all the germs on the rides and what we are touching! Blah....I also have issues with the kids and old people that act like fools out there. Let me explain..last year Matthew and I are standing in line with Jagger, who was 3 at the time, and there was a group of teenagers cussing and throwing things right beside us. That makes me so mad that they have to act like that. Then about 20 minutes after that, we walked by two grown men fighting, literally punching each other and rolling on the ground! Seriously people its the fair! But I guess it brings out all different types! and then it is so expensive! This year the arm bands here are $ me this is insane. Then you know you are going to spend money on food. Like I said, I do enjoy it but I am always glad when it is over!
ok back to fall.....So I love fall decorations! and I have several other reasons this is one of my favorite season....
*the smells- pumpkin candles, chili in the crockpot, pumpkin bread in the oven! need I say more???? and not just the smells but the tastes! fair food, chili, bread, pumpkin coffee (thanks Starbucks!) mouth is watering now!
*clothes- I love this time of the year because of the clothes....My favorite thing to wear is jeans, boots and a lightweight sweater or long sleeve top!  I am so ready to be out of shorts and other summer clothes. I have never felt like summer clothes are flattering on me..I would much rather be in a good pair of jeans! ;)
*Scenery- Just look around! This is the time of year I can walk outside and instantly praise God. Last year, several times when driving different places I would almost run off the road looking at the absolutely beautiful scenery.. The leaves on the trees were the most beautiful color orange and reds I have ever seen! Its something I could look at all day!
so what is your favorite thing about this season?
Hope everyone has a super blessed 1st day of fall!
Lots of Love

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Our Lisa!

I never knew a woman named Lisa would come into our lives and forever be a part of it. I never dreamed I would have a forever respect and love for this woman named Lisa until our nightmare began. A NICU nurse is a person you really do not understand until you are put into a NICU.
The day I met Lisa is a day that will forever be in my head, and yesterday going to Cardinal Glennon and getting to see her brought back this forever memory. It was a couple of days after I had Hudson and the hospital was giving me a 2 hour pass to get to see Hudson for the first time. I was physically sick, not only from recovering from a c-section(which if you have had one then you know you feel like your stomach is going to rip open) and then sick from the feeling of having not knowing what to expect when I walk into this hospital to see my baby boy. On the drive over, waves of nausea and tears would flood over me. I would tell Matthew, "I can't do this". He would hold my hand and say yes you can, and at the same time in the back of mind God was telling me, "yes you can". We finally get to the hospital and I get in a wheelchair so Matthew can push me to our destination. This hospital was beautifully decorated. It was so cheerful but that did not cover up all the sick children, scared parents and the doctors and nurses who were working their hardest to take care of these kids. The closer we got the more I was shaking. I wasn't sure what to expect and I truly felt like I was going to throw up. I was mad. This was not right. I should not be coming over to another hospital to see our little boy who I didn't know at the time would make it or not. I was mad because I was separated from Jagger. I was mad because I wanted to still be pregnant at home celebrating "the most wonderful time of the year". We get to the NICU, scrub in and we get to the BLUE hall that we would call home for almost 5 minutes. As Matthew, rolls me down the hall and I look at all the names on each door I was heartbroken and it became so real to me. This is a whole new world I knew nothing about....He pulls me up to the door where Hudson's sweet name was written on a cute door hanger. I set there for just a minute, took a deep breath, and stood up and that is when I met her. Lisa! She was standing in his dark room. She didn't say much at first. I knew something was wrong because there was another nurse in there and everyone was quite. She said we need to talk to you but I want you to see him first...I walked over to his little "box" and instantly fell head over heels in love. He was the most perfect 2.5lb baby I had ever seen. I knew we couldn't touch him but I wanted him to hear my voice. So in between the tears I managed to get out the song Jesus Loves Me! Immediately when I finished she said it was time to talk.....Her and the nurse practitioner started talking to us about how sick Hudson was and how he needed blood transfusion..I needed to sign these papers and his blood gas was this and all this other stuff...I remember the room getting really fuzzy and started spinning. I looked at her and said, "I am going to be sick, I need to sit down"....I sat down in the chair and the flood gates opened. I cried so hard..I couldn't stop. She walked over and put a box of tissues on my lap and said, "Here you are going to need these"! I was so mad at her...Is that all she could say?? We left not too long after that because my time limit. We said our goodbyes and left. On the way to the hospital, I told Matthew that I did not like that lady..She was not nice and I didn't want to see her again......We always laugh at this now because I don't think I was ever mad at her, it was just the situation and she just happen to be the one there!!..Well I can say all that is history and Lisa became my favorite. She became family....She became the woman I trust..She became the woman I cried too. She became the one who I loved because she was honest and always told us how she felt..She became the woman who most importantly took care of Hudson like her own and that is why I will forever love her and call her "Our Lisa"! and not just Lisa but so many other wonderful doctor and nurse who will always be in our heart!! My respect for her and all the NICU nurses is out of this world. These nurses go through so much and they work so hard! I can't imagine having the life of a baby in your hands......Yesterday we got to see Lisa while we were at the hospital and I loved getting to see the smile on her face when she got to see Hudson. What a rewarding thing! God truly blessed us!!
Hope everyone has a blessed day!

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Total Surrender!!

Total Surrender....When I see these words and most of you would agree this could be a scary thing. It seems like such a commitment. It seems like something we can't fathom doing. It seems like something we are too busy to do...
This weekend was our Women's Ministry Weekend. I so look forward to this weekend every year. It is a time that my faith is renewed and I always walk away with something! This year the theme was Yes Lord...Total Surrender!! To be honest, I have known this was the theme for sometime now because I am on the leadership team but I haven't really set down and thought about it. I have not let it sink into my brain like it should have been. The speaker, Carol Kent, was out of this world! So amazing and if you have not heard of her, I suggest you look her up. She has an unbelievable story that will touch your heart in many ways.
One of her books is called When I Lay My Issac Down. This goes along with our theme. We all go through things (We are calling these things Issac) that seem totally impossible to handle or even just everyday things. God's whole plan is for us to lay them down for him,give them to him, surrender them...but why is this so difficult for us??? This weekend has opened my eyes and shown me that I have a hard time "laying my Issac down". Yes..I am a Christian. Yes..I Love Jesus..Yes Matthew and I try very hard to live our life for God, but we are human and there are things we fail at. I am a very "controlling" person, and I don't mean this in a mean or ugly way. I like having control over my kids and what they are doing. I like having control over the family calander. I just like thinking I have control of life, but as most of you know I learned with Hudson I can not have full control! God slapped me in the face during that time that I am not in control..He is! I was everything but in control in that situation. My oldest was having to be taken care of by grandparents. My newborn baby was being taken care of by doctors and nurses. I had no control! This was tough but I know God was teaching me. I have learned also that  I am the type of person who wants to lay just the leg of Issac down, not the whole thing. I have not been fully laying them down for God. I have been partially giving them and then trying to take care of the rest. That is not how it is suppose to be. We are suppose to have TOTAL surrender, not half or just a leg! I can openly say this weekend and the events I attended truly showed me some things I need to work on. This morning at church, I took the opportunity to stand in front of the church and completely lay "my Isaacs" down...Yes, Lord..Total Surrender! I give them to you and trust that you will take care of them!
So if you have any "Isaacs" you need to lay down I promise if you will, you will feel so much better knowing that God is taking care of it and that you don't have to worry about it anymore!

Please keep Hudson in your prayers..We are still dealing with sinus junk and its horrible. We are going to call doctors in the morning to see what else we can do!!

Monday, September 9, 2013

Soccer Mom!

Saturday morning was Jagger's first soccer game! We had to be there at 8:30am!! I have said before that Jagger is not a morning person. He did pretty good getting up but it took forever to get him ready! We were officially going to be late when a small light went off in his sweet little brain that today was his first game! Then he turned into turbo getting ready! We pull up out to the soccer fields and it is craziness!! People are everywhere..I don't know what I expected but I didn't expect that! We get parked and get out, Matthew turns to me and says, "well its official, you are a soccer mom! Mini van and all!" ;) I couldn't help but laugh because this is a term when you are younger you really don't think is cool but I can tell you I wouldn't want to be anything else- Van and ALL!
The game was so funny!! There is something about watching little kids play that make me so happy! I am glad we are not to the age yet where parents ruin the game! First let me explain that my Jagger is so timid at times. He is not aggressive at all. He is just there to have fun! The beginning of the game I could tell something was wrong. He was just standing on one side of the field watching the other kids play. It hit me that he is not going to run out there and push his way to the if it comes his way he is all for it! Finally after a few minutes he got it and then it was all good...He had a blast the rest of the game! The funniest part was during one of the last sessions Jagger walks off the field over to his Pa CP and says, "Pa, Can we go Dove hunting today?" hahahahahahaha...all we could do was laugh! My boy is a true country boy at heart! He could care less about all that..His main concern is God's country and what he can hunt! Gotta love him! After the game all the kids were hot and tired! They all got snacks and we headed home!
Matthew and I got to go to Jonesboro for the afternoon to celebrate my birthday while Gigi and Pa watched the babies! I was so excited! I could hardly sleep the night before because I couldn't wait to walk in a store and get to look without being distracted or having to rush because a baby is crying! We got down there and ate at Fuji! Then we go shopping...It makes me laugh because we are so geared to going places with kids, we don't hardly know how to act without them! I found myself rushing in stores just because. I definitely by passed the toys this time! I was disappointed in the selection everywhere. I didn't find much because it is hard for me to buy think sweaters when it is 98 degrees outside! So I ended up with a book, cake plate, and a shirt! :)
On the way home, I kind of started feeling yucky. Just really tired but I thought it was just going to bed late, getting up early then being gone all day. By the time we got back to town, got the kids and came home I was feeling really bad. We went to bed early and when I woke up in the night to feed Hudson I knew something was wrong. I was so achy I could hardly hold him. I was hurting all over and my throat was so sore I coudln't even swallow. The next morning, Matthew woke me up to get ready for church and I couldn't move. I knew there was no way I was going to church. We went to Grandma Betty's for lunch and to celebrate my birthday but I struggled the whole time. I just couldn't function and this is not good when you are a mom. I got worse and worse as the day went on. I felt so bad I missed our Leadership meeting at church and a birthday party. I came home and crashed. This morning I woke up with no aches but still feeling horrible. The boys and I laid around all day! We did absolutely nothing..and at one point today I had a small panic attack. I have not been sick since the night I got airlifted..Thoughts and memories came rushing into my head and all I could do was cry. This horrible feeling came over me and I got to where I couldn't breathe. I even called Matthew and was telling him I was hurting in the same spot the night I was airlifted! I knew instantly to go to God and calm down. Jagger had  been asking me if I was going back to St. Louis because I was sick and that upset me. I pulled out my bible and went to some of my favorite verses about anxiety..took some deep breaths and felt much better! God is so good! I got an appointment to the doctor and guess what??? Severe Sinus Infection! The doctor even said, Well..Its your time of the year..You have been here around the same time every year since 2008!" He gave me some medicine and sent me on my way! The rest of our night has been lazy!! I am not complaining..I have needed lazy! This soccer mom has been worn out and is happy to have a lazy day!!
Hope everyone has a blessed night!

Friday, September 6, 2013


Thank. Goodness. It's Friday!! I don't know about you but I love Fridays! I love knowing the next day we can sleep in if we want. I love knowing that tomorrow might hold something exciting to do. I love how in the fall its the start of High School football games and so much more!! Growing up we loved Friday's because that meant at night we would get to watch TGIF....Family Matters, Step by Step and Full House!!!!
I am a very organized person or at least I try to be in my own way! I always have calenders that have all of our stuff on it and then I also have a menu calender! This is the only way I can keep up with buying groceries! ;) The last month or so I have noticed our calender is filling up so fast! I even look at the months ahead and they are slowly filling up! I guess what I am saying is that weekends are not the same as they have always been! A weekend to me was always a time to rest and recoup from the week! As Jagger is getting older and more involved, Matthew and I are also getting involved with our own things, I am seeing our weekends look like our weeks! Crammed full and some days several things right after another! How do we get like this and I know in several years when Hudson gets older it will only get worse!! It kind of gives me anxiety thinking about it!??? I honestly do not see how people with over 3 kids do it??? How do you spend time with your family? How do you have time for supper together? or are we at an age in time where we are so wrapped up in "activities" that we forget what is important??? I pray that Matthew and I do not get to this point! I hope no one gets offended by this....I know we all love to be involved but I hope Matthew and I can step back and say No to things. I hope we can say no to overly full schedules and yes to a little bit of free time. I want to make sure we don't get so wrapped up we forget who we are and what our main focus is. I think this  is so important! and maybe I am wrong??
My birthday was yesterday and it amazing! I can't even begin to explain how blessed I am! I am so excited that I got to celebrate this birthday was two of the most precious boys ever and an amazing husband! They truly make me feel special! The best part of my day was laying in the floor with Jagger and Hudson. Jagger was on one side of me and Hudson on the other! Jagger was playing with my hair and Hudson just doing his Hudson talk! Jagger and I were talking about everything...talking about how old I was ..talking about how much we loved each other...talking about Jesus...talking about how happy we are Hudson is with us...and so many other things! I know these are "gifts" I will treasure forever!
I am super excited because tomorrow is Jagger's first soccer game! It makes me laugh because it is a 8:30 in the morning and as I have said before Jagger is not a morning person! The other day he ask me if he would EVER get to sleep in again! I told him probably not.. especially with soccer on every Saturday and we do early church on Sunday 8:30! Oh has been great for us because we have been in bed every night no later than 9:30!! Its awesome!
Hope everyone has a blessed Friday night!!
Lots of Love

Thursday, September 5, 2013

27 Years!

Conversation from yesterday- Matthew: Are you really going to be 27 tomorrow? Me: Yes. Why?   Matthew: You are suppose to be 28...You are 27 now..   Me: No??? I am going to be 27 tomorrow...  Matthew: Really??....(a small pause) Wow...I really married a young one! :)

I can not believe I am 27! Where do the years go? I feel like yesterday I was 10 years old staying with my grandma, playing Barbies and just enjoying life! I have been sitting here this morning looking back over my life and I can honestly say that I have had a great life! Now...It hasn't been perfect and there have been several things I wish could have been different but I know that even the bad things are what have brought me to where I am today!! There are several things I have learned in 27 years....

*No one can truly prepare you for how hard life is at times!!! I know no one ever told me life would be easy but good grief!!! There are times you want to just throw hands in the air and say you are done, but as we all know we can't do this! The times I have felt like this especially over this last year, I just turn to God and say here you go...I can't handle this..but you can!!

* I wish I could go back to my spoiled, selfish teenage self and tell her to get over it and that all that junk she was worrying about does not amount to a hill of beans!! I think we all get like this in our life! We look back and think why in the world was I worrying about that???  I think this is something that you learn when you become an adult, get a family and see what the true important things are!

*I never dreamed being a parent would bring on so much heartache/anxiety/stress/happiness/joy/LOVE/and everything else in between! It's amazing how as parents you experience so many emotions! In one minute you are crying because we are so proud of something our kids have done but in the same minute we are crying because we don't want them to grow up! I seriously think my heart has hurt more over my kids than that stupid boy who broke my heart growing up!! but not only that..I have Laughed more since I have had kids! The joy they bring to your life is unreal!! Every day I pray that my boys know how much I love them and that God has truly given me a gift when he allowed me to be their mommy!

*Friends come and go... and through life you will find out who your true friends are!!! and when you do find them don't let them go!!! ;)

*Having designer clothes and lots of material things do not make life better or make you a better person! I find it funny that I get more compliments on the things I have bought at a consignment store or found on clearance! Jagger has truly taught me that it does not matter what I wear or what we have....He LOVES me for me not for all that and he loves life not caring about any of this! I love what kids can teach us!

* There are days that load of laundry can wait....This has been tough on me because I am OCD. ;) but my kids are more important than laundry or cleaning the house! That stuff will still be here the next day...the time spent with my babies is more important!

*Don't sweat the small stuff!! Learn to relax and just enjoy life! Quit stressing over things you can not control! Once the day is over you can't get it back....How did you spend your day?? Laughing, and enjoying it   or stressed and mad all day?

* Jesus, Jesus and more Jesus! He is the only thing that will get you through life! You need him every second of every day! There was a period in my life I turned away from him and it got me no where...It brought me a lot of pain, stress and heartache.....This is not something I am proud of but I am human.....I learned from this and know this is not how I want my life! He is number 1 and I am not afraid to say it!

Hope everyone has a blessed day!!!