Totally Different..

Well this year is completely different than last year and boy am I thankful! This weekend we have been with my parents and it has been awesome!! We celebrated Christmas with them yesterday morning and it was such a special moment because last year we were in the hospital. I had thought about blogging about last year but it has been really hard on me. I thought I would be ok but every once in awhile it will hit me like a ton of bricks. I know you are thinking well why is she being like this...why isn't she happy she is home. She better be thankful that she brought him home...  Well, trust me I have been asking myself why I get emotional about it and I can't explain it, but the times it does hit me its like I am sitting in the hospital reliving the whole thing. The hardest part was being away from Jagger. I can not explain what it felt like having him pulled away from us. I know it was super hard on my mother in law because she was the one having to pry him off of us. I literally thought my heart was ripping out of my body!  On a happier note, we are celebrating every second this year, not only for the birth of our Savior but also celebrating our time at home and our sweet miracle Hudson!
The time we have been with mom and dad has been great so far. I know the rest of our Christmas will be amazing. We opened presents with mom and dad. Hudson loved the paper. Forget the presents, just give him paper and he is happy! He is crawling everywhere and even trying to pull up!  Now Jagger on the other hand loved the presents. We ate breakfast before we opened presents and I thought he was going to not survive having to wait! The excitement about got the best of him! ;) After we opened presents, Matthew and I decided to head to town to finish our Christmas shopping! I thought we would just make it a quick trip! WRONG..what was I thinking. Wal-Mart was insane! Every single isle you went down was packed full of people doing the same thing I was! So our quick trip turned into a several hour trip! When we got home we ate supper and then got ready for our family game of Uno. The last two nights Matthew, Mom, Dad and I have been playing Uno. Talk about hysterical. My mom gets very competitive. Dad just lets us all get him (skip, draw 4, etc) and never says a word! Matthew says, Ok its on!   I just laugh through the whole thing! I am so grateful for the fun times that God gives us...such special memories!
Well time to get off here and enjoy a cup of coffee with my grandma!
Hope everyone has a super blessed day!
Lots of Love

Christmas Spirit!

You know sometimes how it can be the Christmas season but you are just not quite in the Christmas Spirit.. You have the tree up, you have done some shopping, etc, etc but just not quite there yet!! Well that has been me until yesterday! I am not quite sure why i haven't been in the Christmas spirit.. I have been excited.. I have done fun things it just hasnt clicked yet! I am sure I sound like the Grinch saying all this but I am really not!

So anyways yesterday was an awesome day! The day started out with me volunteering to help with Community Christmas! For those of you who do not know what Communtiy Christmas is... Its all the churchs and whoever else wants to help come together and donate mens gifts, womens gifts and toys for families to come and "shop" for gifts for Christmas! These families have to qualify for it and when they come they come in each room and hand pick a gift then take it to have it wrapped! Our church is always in the mens room. It is so sweet to see some the small children come in to pick a gift for grandpa and dad!! I have helped for several years and it is something I look forward to every year!

After Community Christmas I normally have a small breakdown because it truly reminds me of how blessed we are..i think many times we all take it for granted and forget so it is Nice to be reminded!

When I got home Hudson and I took a nap while the older boys went duck hunting!!! And Jagger had a blast! They didnt stay long because he got cold but he was so excited that he got to go! Hunting is definitely in the boys blood and there is no turning back now! I seriously think he would hunt anything they have a season for and probably some they dont! :) 

Around 6 it was time to get to church for the Tour Of Homes! This is where several people in our church open up there home for the women in the church to tour! It is really neat and if you remember we did this a couple of years ago! I started decorating after Halloween and it was somewhat stressful! But the homes are so gorgeous!!!! Matthew says he doesnt like for me to go on these things because then I come home full of ideas and wanting to but new things! Surely not me!! ;) when we get done with the tour we go back to the church, eat and listen to some beautiful Christmas music!! Last night I really felt in the Christmas Spirit!! I guess just a full day of Christmas things helped get me there. Tonight we have our deacons Christmas supper and the Children choir program at church. Tomorrow night we are ringing the Salvation Army bell, Christmas parade, and Matthews work party!! A couple of days of exciting Christmas events was all I needed!!! 

Hope everyone has a blessed day!! 

Lots of love!

The Sounds...

Don't you love the sounds of this season?? I know I do! The music is amazing! I confess I am one of the crazy people who starts listening to Christmas music way early!! I just love the message behind all of it and the way it makes you feel so happy! My favorite Christmas song is O Holy Night! It brings me to tears everytime I hear it and when Mrs Carrie Underwood sings it.... Oh my gracious! I get chill bumps thinking about it! I also enjoy the Elvis Christmas album! So many great classic songs mixed with his own and then hymnals! Its awesome! Jagger will say, Mom do we have to listen to Elvis anymore?? Hahah. Jagger's top pick would have to be the Chipmunk Christmas. He loves it but after awhile their voices start to drive me nuts! So thats when we go back to good ol Elvis! 

I love the sound of the house full of family visiting! There is so much laughter in the air! Its a sound I want to bottle up so we can listen anytime! The sound of all the cousins running through the house screaming, laughing and chasing each other. The sound of Christmas movies.. Christmas Vacation, Rudolph, Santa Claus is coming to town, Elf, Polar Express, and so many others! 

The sound of the bell.. You know... The bell outside of Walmart and department stores that many of us are guilty of trying to avoid! The Salvation Army bell! I truly enjoy the sound of it because when you hear that first ring of the season we know its The Most Wonderful Time of the Year! 

And then lastly the sound of squeals and excitement on Christmas morning! I Love when you pick just the right gift that makes them smile, jump up and down, gasp or whatever else means excited! The kids tearing through wrapping paper. Then the sound of toys being played with! 

Its all really wonderful and makes this season even more special! 

Whats your favorite sound this time of year! (I know my husband would say the ducks flying over head!!) 

Hope everyone has a blessed night!

Lots of love! 

Simple....

Simple.. That is just how we are keeping Christmas this year! I can not believe we are coming up on the year anniversary of our nightmare! I say nightmare but over the past few months I have really started dealing with what we went through, and yes it was not fun and I don't want to ever go through it again but I am truly beginning to think it was part a blessing! I know you are thinking I am crazy for saying a blessing but I know that God does everything for a reason and in his plan that was suppose to us during the holiday season last year... Why? We will never know but I think God showed me alot during those two weeks in the hospital! 

The big thing is he taught Matthew and I what Christmas is really about! Its not about trees, presents, food, decorations, parties and all the other things! Its about Jesus! And last year thats all we had! We were in a hospital room with nothing but family and Jesus! And I truly believe we experienced a true Christmas! God stripped us of everything that we thought was important and showed us what was truly important! So this year I have totally changed my thinking!! We are taking it one day at a time! Whatever shopping I get done, thats what I get done! If I don't get all the crafts, food, and everything that pinterest tells me I need to do, I know it will be ok! I just want my family to focus on love, giving to others and Jesus! The rest doesn't mean squat! 

With all that being said, I will say we have done some fun things so far...last year we started the countdown to christmas with the random acts of christmas...we loved it so much we decided to do it again! Each day we do different acts of Christmas kindness! We have done some Christmas crafts.. Nothing too involved! We have watched Christmas movies! We built a gingerbread train.. That is now falling over! We have read Christmas books... And many other fun things! I want the Christmas season to be fun for my kids but I never again want to be stressed and miserable over a time that is suppose to be full of love and joy! I want to keep things simple as can be! 

Hope everyone has a blessed night. 

Lots of love

Megan

Life..

Life can be so awesome at times and then in the blink of an eye change! We have for sure learned this over the last year but it still amazes me how fast life can change! Yesterday we said goodbye to my Aunt Ruthann!! This was a complete and total shock to the whole family! She had no signs of being sicka and as far as most of us know she was healthy! They just found her in her apartment Tuesday morning! It actually makes me sick typing this sick because I feel its a dream! She should still be here..My grandma had 8 kids and she was the second to oldest! There are two girls and the rest boys! I have grown up thinking both of my aunts hung the moon! They are both special in their own way. I remember growing up thinking my Aunt Ruthann was so beautiful! She always had her beautiful blonde hair fixed and  She had these awesome red fingernails. She always called me Megan Marie! The older I have gotten the closer we got! We have always shared a love for Elvis and for family history! I love anything to do with our family and she was my go to lady when it came to that! I could ask her anything about our family and she knew it! I feel so blessed because a few weeks ago we sat in Grandmas living room and for several hours she told me stories about their childhood! I have cried and cried because I am so glad that God gave me this time with her because I will never have it again and she told me stories that I can pass on! She also came to St Louis while Hudson was in the hospital and we got to spend several days together! Her laugh is one I will never forget! You could hear it a mile away and when she laughed you would instantly laugh with her! 

My aunt was an awesome mother, nonnie( grandma), aunt, daughter, friend, sister and so much more! She will be missed so much! I pray that God will give us the comfort we need to deal and help us focus on all the good times! I know she is up in heaven smiling down on us listening to Elvis! 

Hope everyone has a blessed day! 

Lots of love 

Megan

Bbbbrrrrr...It's Cold!

Today the high was 35....Yes I think it is officially winter in my book! We are still at my Grandma's and it is wonderful! My Grandma lives way out in the middle of nowhere! She has a tiny house that has had the same decorations for 27 years and during the winter the house smells of the wood burning stove! Its wonderful! There is always yummy food around here! Breakfast- biscuits, sausage gravy, eggs, ham! Lunch- homemade chicken and dumplings and potato cakes (if you have never had a potato cake..you are missing out! She takes left over mashed potatoes, makes them into a patty then fries them! AMAZING!) What is it about Grandma's cooking! The whole day has just been an awesome day of food and laziness! No laundry, no cleaning...just visiting, eating, and resting!  This is what I call Thanksgiving break!
Jagger has been having a blast with Pop. If he has ask my dad one question he has ask him a million. He follows my dad around like a little puppy dog and if you know my dad this is something he is not use to but it is so good for him- and he is great with Jagger!
Hudson has also enjoyed himself! He has been held and cuddled the whole time. He is almost crawling. I figure in the next week he will be everywhere! Today, he has enjoyed mashed potatoes and homemade applesauce! As soon as he puts it in his mouth, he gets the biggest grin on his face! He knows the good stuff. I think he will be like his momma and turn out to be a foodie! Big brother could care less about food so I need one boy to be with me!
My favorite thing so far is watching my Grandma with the boys. This afternoon she was rocking Hudson and just singing to him. It was so precious and it was a time I wanted to freeze the moment. I love moments like these and I never want to let them go. I love my Grandma so much and it is so special to me when she gets to spend time with my boys! God is so good and I am forever grateful he has given me a super family!
Hope everyone has a blessed night!
Lots of love

Holidays...

I can't believe we are finally getting to the beginning of the Holidays! I have always loved Thanksgiving because its kind of the "kickoff" to the Most Wonderful Time of the Year! Typically every year we do Thanksgiving with my family at my Grandma's. This year we have decided to do Thanksgiving in Kennett with Matthew's family. At first I was kind of sad but the boys and I have come to my grandma's and are going to spend a few days with her! I think this is even better than getting to come down for 1 day at Thanksgiving then turn around and go home! ;) I am also super excited because Black Friday I am going to go conquer Wal-Mart with one of my super awesome friends! Not really sure what is on my list to buy, but I know we will have a blast! Then Friday night, Matthew and I are leaving to go to Nashville. This will be the first time we have been away on a weekend by ourselves! I am really looking forward to spending time with him with no kids! We are going to be going to a wedding and then doing some Christmas Shopping!
So back to Thanksgiving....I love this Holiday because it is centered around my favorite thing....Food! Turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, deviled eggs, corn, homemade rolls, and most importantly dessert! YUMMO...I am getting hungry thinking about all the yummy food! When I was little we would leave after lunch drive home, and start putting up our Christmas tree! I would get so excited I could hardly stand it! I feel like now we put the trees up so early! We don't even allow Thanksgiving to get here. This year I have waited to put up Christmas until Thanksgiving! I have been trying to get all of us to truly focus on Thanksgiving and what its all about instead of Christmas decorations. This Thanksgiving will also be special because the doctors told us the other day to let Hudson eat from the table..mashed up of course! We know he is going to love the food...and I can't wait to see his reaction! I know all this year the Holidays are going to be so awesome because we have Hudson with us!

Shoeboxes!

What does a shoebox mean to you?? Do you throw them away or do you keep them!! Me I am OCD and keep all my shoes in the box or at least most! I have boxes and boxes neatly stacked with labels facing out so I know what shoe is where! A shoebox to most of us is just a box that holds our shoes but to others a shoebox may mean something completely different! 

It all started several years ago when I began getting involved in our church! It was after Halloween and they showed a video on something called Operation Christmas Child and basically it is taking shoes boxes and filling them with stuff( toys, stationary, etc) and then they are sent over and given to kids across the world who are without! These kids are also given the opportunity to learn about Jesus! I immeidately was hooked! I got several boxes that day and left the church! Every year since I make a point to get boxes and participate in this! 

This years things have been alittle different! I knew it was time to get started on boxes and Jagger had brought home 1 from Sunday School class. I kept telling myself we have to find time to go get the box ready. Well i had a leadership team meeting and at the meeting the book Operation Christmas Child was shown. Being the crazy reader I am in knew I had to read the book! After the meeting I got the book! Once i got home and got everyone to bed i started reading! Within in the first couple of pages I was hooked! The book is filled with story after storyof how a child will get a box and inside is exactly what they need! Things only God can do! I decided to start reading the book to Jagger. The whole time I am reading I can tell his wheels are turning! I know his 4 year old mind cant comprehend that some of these kids have never recieved anything in their whole life! Finally he says," momma stop reading! This is too sad!" Me: yes this is sad but we have to know and learn that there are people in the world who need help and that is what Jesus wants us to do! So nothing else is said and we go aboit our day! The next day Jagger comes to me and says, "Momma I want to fill some boxes!" Me: "well ok, we have our boxes to fill. We will get to the store and work on them!" Jagger: "no, momma lots of boxes!" He then tells me to get his Bennie on the phone! I call my mom for him and he ask her if she would fill a box for him! He goes on to explain that its to tell kids that we love them and Jesus loves them! She of course says yes! Jagger then asks me if i will take him several places in town and call some people because he needs to ask more people.... Well as of Sunday Jagger has gotten 36 boxes!!! I know we will have more because we have had people contact us and say they would like to do one for Jagger! We are beyond thrilled what our 4 year old is doing! And to know that its not about filling boes with toys. Its about reaching out to others and showing Love and mostly importantly the love of Jesus!!! 

Jagger tells me that next year he wants 1,000 boxes! I told him we better start praying and see what God can do!! I do know at the beginning of the year we will start collecting boxes and items to go in the boxes and who knows maybe this sweet boy can reach his goal! And from now on when you see a shoebox hopefully it wont just be a box, its something much more! 

Please keep Jagger and the boxes in your prayers!!

Hope everyone has a blessed day! 

Lots of love 

Choices!!

Choices!! It is something we have to do every single day! Its amazing if you sit back and think about how many choices we make in a day- what to wear, what to eat, what to watch.. These are the simple ones but then in life we get to make more important ones that will stay with us for a long time!

I pray everyday that I make the right choices with my kids! I pray that I am being the best parent that I can be... There is one choice we as parents have to make that is a biggie!! And I know what I am about to say is going to get several fired up and immediately you will disagree but it is.... To homeschool or not! Now before you get the claws out and start judging me, I am not saying we are going to make the choice to homeschool! Has it crossed my mind.. YES! Is it something I think about...YES! Do I think it is right for everyone...NO! 

The closer and closer my baby gets to becoming a kindergardern the more and more I start getting nervous! What really concerns me here lately is the stories about how our babies are bieng pushed and pushed in these early years! And yes I think our kids should be taught but why are we pushing them so hard!!?? Why are they doing in preschool what they use to do in kindergarden?? Why are these young ones having hours worth of homework being sent home?? Sometimes I feel they are being pushed and pushed so they can score high on some test at the end of the year that can make the school look better. We are more focused on testing scores than the important stuff for these kids like social skills and things that will stick with them through life! Honestly i would rather my kids be happy than score high on some test that will not amount to a hill of beans later in life!!

Another thing that bothers me is what they are exposed to! I dread what Jagger is going to be hearing from other kids in school and I know that this is something I cant protect him from forever. We live in a sick world with school shootings and so many other scary things! I have heard horrible stories of small kids who go to school then come home and ask questions about sex and other things that they should not know about it! I love how at home you can control that. I love how at home it doesnt matter what you have. It doesnt matter what other kids are wearing or what kid of homelife they have! I know in bigger cities the homeschooling is becoming more and more popular. Its a way for parents to protect their kids and make sure they are being taught morals and values! But also in bigger cites there is more for homeschooled kids to do! They have groups that get together and do things so kids are getting the socialization they need! 

Now with that said will we homeschool? Probably not! Would I try if given the change.. Probably so! Please dont think Im crazy or weird this is just how I feel and what is on my heart! I know that all I can do for Jaggeri is pray that I am preparing him for the world and that he knows right from wrong! The rest I just give to God and let him take control!! 

Hope everyone is having a blessed day!!

Prayers Please!

Well its only 12:37pm, and I have already had several breakdowns today! I hate the moments when you get pushed and pushed until the only thing left to do is cry! That is how I have felt today! It all started yesterday! Hudson had therapy and for a few days now he has been struggling to breathe! Not anything horrible but something I had started paying attention to. During therapy, he really started to struggling and have a horrible wheezing sound! He couldnt even finish therapy and that is when I called the dr! They said bring him up immediately! Thankfully Aunt Claire had picked up Jagger from school so she just stayed with him! We get to the dr and they said yes he sounds bad! We did a breathing treatment and it helped. The dr said there may be times he just needs extra and that is what happens when you have damaged lungs! Ok so we get home and the rest of the day went ok. 

In the meantime, Jagger has had a runny nose for several days! Nothing to green and nasty and no fever ! We have really been trying to teach Jagger to blow his nose instead of licking or just letting it run! I Love my babies but sometimes it can be so gross! I tell Jagger often why would you lick your nasty snot instead of wanting to blow it???? Havent figured it out yet! So anyways with the runny nose he had a couple of bumps show up and one I thought was a fever blister. This morning when I woke him up I was shocked! His mouth was all broke out and scabbed over. The blisters had moved to his nose and when we blew it, the thickest green snot came out. He started crying because it was cracking and bleeding! It absolutely broke my heart! I knew it was time to head back to dr. They got us in and we cracked some jokes about us always being there! I asked if they could give us a permenant room with our name on it! And also while this is going on, my lip broke out with 3 huge fever blisters and I woke up in the middle of the night and could not even swallow!!!! Jesus, how much more can I take???

Back to the dr, he comes in and says he has bacterial impetigo. It is highly contagious and spreads like crazy. He tells me the boys do not need to be around each other for a couple of days. I instantly want to cry. No momma wants to be away from their child when they are sick! But then we have got to keep Hudson healthy too! I want to clone myself that way I can be with both of them! 

Here we are a couple of hours later- jagger with grandma Betty. He cant do much just rest and stay hydrated. He has to constantly wash his hands to keep it from spreading! We have several meds and I am at home washing sheets and spraying down everything while trying to make sure Hudson takes breathing treatments! So please when you pray today add us to your list! I never wantto wish our life away but I can say I want us to all get better! I am tired of running back and forth to the doctor!! I know God is with us and this will pass! 

Again please keep us in your prayers! 

Hope everyone has a blessed day! 

Apologize!

This morning I woke up and instantly felt bad about my post last night! I want to apologize if I offended anyone! I really hope that I did not come across ungrateful for getting to stay home! I know there are so many out there who would love to be at home, so please do not think I was being ungrateful! I do realize what a blessing it is but I am also human. Just like people who have a job and overtime start taking it for granted because there are so many people out there who would love to have a job even if it is making minimum wage. I sometime get in the same rut taking it for granted that I get to stay home, but trust me God reminds me real fast what my blessings are.

So yesterday I started watching 19 kids and counting! Its about the Duggar family! I am amazed with each episode how they run their family! I LOVE the values they have and it really has made me think about things in our life! I love how they enjoy life with simple things! Their life is not centered around what they wear, tv, social media, and all the other worldly distractions! Life is about being happy, family and most importantly serving God! 

Hudson is sitting here yelling at me so I think that is my que to get off here and give him some attention! :) 

Hope everyone has a blessed day! 

Writers Block!

Well I am pretty sure I have what is called Writers Block!!! Or I have too busy mommy syndrome! Maybe a little of both! :) this really irritates me because I love my blog and I Love to write! I have felt lately that my life is so boring! We get up and basically do the same thing over and over! Kind of reminds me of the movie Groundhog Day! Every once in awhile something exciting might happen like a trip to WalMart(and thats when Matthew can stay home with Hudson)  or we might get a little crazy and go to Jonesboro! Life this winter is going to be tough. We will be inside all the time! I got the call today about the RSV shots for Hudson so I feel like we are on a countdown now until we have to go into hibernation and not get out!! Although its hard at times, I do feel God is teaching me a lesson! To enjoy every minute with my kids and to just slow down! I have always been a "go-getter". If I want something done, I do it! If I need something I go get it. This whole thing has made me slow down and just enjoy the moment. It has kept me from a lot of impulse things that I normally do (shopping, cleaning out and throwing away, etc) I get to just spend so much special time with these boys! What a gift! 

Today was a very LONG somewhat boring day!! It rained all day so there was no getting out at all! At 7:30 this morning I was looking forward to cooking lunch, and then after lunch I was so bored I was counting down the minutes to start supper!! It was a day that we basically laid around all day! Jagger was not feeling 100% and I had not planned ahead for crafts!!!! So thank goodness for NetFlix! Now I am not one who thinks it is good for a child to sit in front of the tv for hours and hours but today all he wanted to do was lay on the couch and watch cartoons! So guess what?? I let him do it! 

Hopefully I can get over the writers block and get back to my old self! Until then you will just have to deal with the same ol boring stuff! :) 

Hope everyone has a blessed night! 

First Time!

Yesterday was Jagger's first visit to the dentist!! I know you are thinking I am horrible and should have already taken him but I did what I could! At least he is going now!! At first he was very nervous because of some silly game he has on the Ipad! On the game you are a dentist and you get to do all the fun stuff( drill teeth, pull teeth, put on braces, whiten teeth) and he loves it but the drilling on the game is a little much! The drill shoots out sparks everywhere! No wonder he was some what nervous about going!! 

I am going to go ahead and admit we have not done our 100% best about brushing and flossing his teeth! We do brush them and use Washmouth ,as he calls it, but if we miss a time I really havent gotten super worried! And Jagger has a SUPER big sweet tooth! And let me tell you Grandma Betty does not help that tooth! :) 

So I have also been alittle worried about going and what they would find! We get to the office and everyone is really nice. Jagger sits in the chair and waits. They finally call us back. He was so brave walking back! Did not even act like he was nervous! The hygentist take him back to the room, he hops in the chair and the next thing I know she was cleaning his teeth!! He loved every minute! He was asking her when they would take pictures of his teeth bones( xrays!). Everything went great but we will have to go back for some fillings! :( when she told me I honestly felt like a failure . I just wanted to cry! I had not done my job to take care of his teeth! She instantly told me it was ok and that they see it all the time! When we got done he got a new toothbrush, floss and a ball! He was excited! After the dentist, we ate pizza and went to Target!! Overall, I would say it was a pretty good first visit to the dentist! 

Hope everyone has a blessed day!!

What I Am Loving Wednesday!

I use to always link up with another blog for What I am Loving Wednesday but it looks like she has not been doing so I am going to do my own!! There are so many things that I have been enjoying and want to share them!
First before I get started..I just want to say thank you for all the sweet people who read my blog. I love when you comment and let me know what you think. It is very encouraging to know I am not in this alone! Last night I got some good much needed rest and guess what? this morning I got to do my quite time and got a load of laundry done!! Wooohoo.. I probably don't need to talk too soon but I was happy!
So here are the things I am loving!!!
* FALL- It is finally fall and I am one happy gal! I would post pictures of my fall decorations but I am not quite done yet! I will post when I finish! I just love all the colors- oranges and reds! Yesterday I made Taco Soup and it was amazing! I am so excited that we are finally to the point we can eat soup, chili and all the other yummy stuff! I even made pumpkin muffins for breakfast!
*The Voice- We really don't watch much TV. 95% of the time our tv is on Disney Jr, or Nick Jr. Matthew and I forget what real tv is.....The two shows that we do watch are Duck Dynasty and The Voice! I love seeing all the talented people!

*Tide Pods- Ok I know detergent is not normally an exciting thing but these make me excited! I have always felt like I waste detergent. I use to hate when I would buy a container of detergent and it says 32 loads, but I would only 20 loads out of it. I think maybe I was getting overboard when I would pour it in. Anyways....I have found a solution- Tide Pods.. I absolutely love these things! I actually get the 32 loads that it says on the package!! Totally worth it in my book!

*Pumpkin Spice Creamer!!!! YAY! I am so happy this finally came out! If you know me or have read my blog for awhile then you know I LOVE my creamer! I almost jumped up and down like a small child when I saw this! and guess what ?? it tastes awesome!!
*Books- I am reading some awesome books! *When I lay my Isaac down- I have already finished but it is totally worth reading!    *Ever After - a book about how our society has made marriage into a fairy tale and our expectations are so high and this is not real life!!  Such a great book!!
*We Win- Last night, Matthew and I were talking about this whole government shutdown thing and all the nasty junk going on in the world and the think that we discussed is that no matter what happens, God Wins!! WE win! In the end, God will win....and this is so comforting during dark times!
*my family- I look around and love seeing Jagger playing while Hudson watches him! I am so blessed to have this family and I can not thank God enough!

What are you loving??? 
Hope everyone has a super blessed day!!

What They Forget To Tell You..

I know it has been awhile but I'm here and happy! I have been needing/wanting to write for a few days but everytime I try something happens that gets in the way! I have really been feeling this way about alot of things here lately! I think the "postpartum" junk is slowly starting to hit me. I feel like in the beginning I had my Supermom cape on and was truly focused on getting in there and making sure we were all going to be ok. Now that everything has somewhat settled, I am truly feeling the pressure and difference of having two kids! I know some of you are reading this thinking, "Pssshh, quit whining and put your big girl panties on, I have got 4 kids and have a full time job!" Well, let me tell you.. If this is you I have tons of respect for you! 

Hudson is 9 months and the last month has been tough on me. I find it funny that we read all these books about the time before the baby gets here, what your body will go through and how to prepare but I think at times we forget to tell people what will happen after that sweet bundle of joy gets here! 

*My first major thing that happened that no one told me about is what I like to call the "c-section walk". If you have had a c-section then you know what I am talking about.. This is something I never want to experience again in my life. I can't explain how horrible this is except the nurses and doctors want you to try and walk the next day after you have been ripped open. I remember laughing and crying in their faces (both times!! And the 2nd time I knew it was coming) When you finally manage to get your body out of bed you feel as though your stitches are going to rip back open! I am pretty sure several times I was holding my stitches telling the nurse they were ripping open and that we should check them! She just laughed....then after you can finally climb in and out of bed you walk bent over like a 100 year old woman with a walker, but you dont have a walker!! Its awful! I am cringing thinking about it. After I got released from the hospital in St. Louis and we moved into Ronald McDonald house, we were coming in from a very late night at the hospital and this man was standing in the kitchen. He saw us and said, " girl you just had a c-section. I can tell by your walk!" We died out laughing! 

Ok so not only do you have the walk but the scar hurts bad or at least mine did. My scar hurts so bad for awhile I did not want anything touching it so what does this mean??? I sent my awesome husband out to buy the largest underwear he could find!!  His face when I ask him was hyseterical.. You want what??? He comes back with exactly what I ask for.....the underwear almost came up to my bra!!! But hey they didnt touch the scar!! 

* next is hormones.....Good Grief the hormones!! With Jagger, he was 1 day old and I am laying in the hospital bed crying because I dont want him to grow up!!!!! Matthew and I laugh now because it was funny! But at the time I am sure he was wondering what in the world is going on. It is unreal to me how a new mom can go from smiling to crying in a matter of 30 seconds! 

I had really thought my emotions were under control.. Wrong? I look back and yes I did cry in St. louis but I think i tucked a lot of it away so that I could be "strong"... Well its hit me now...like I said earlier the last month has been hard on me. I have been having nightmares about everything that happened! I see Hudson the day he coded over and over in my dreams! I wake up gasping for air with tears on my cheeks. I got sick the last time in St Louis when we got close to the hospital... Just alot of weird things! I am not sure if its a combination of hormones and everything that happened is hitting me now or what???

*no more me- I had forgot completely about having a new baby at home. Jagger and I had gotten in an awesome routine before Hudson... Well that is out the door! I was actually laying on the couch earlier telling Matthew that it amazes me how I have no time for anything... I cant seem to get laundry done, I cant seem to get my quite time in, I can't get makeup on, I cant get a shower during the day, and even some days I cant even respond to a text! I know I sound super "complainy" here but its unreal how the day goes and I have no idea what I did but by the end of the day I am exhausted!! The other day I barely had time to put my shirt on because I had a million other things to do... We were about to leave and thankfully I looked in the mirror to see pants with my pj top on!!!??? Tonight I got a shower and it made me feel amazing! I felt like a new woman! And I had a little time alone to breathe! 

* body changes!!! This is a big one for me!!! It was amazing to me how much my body changed after babies!! When I was pregnant with Jagger I seriously had one of every bra size....talk about change!  After I had him and lost the weight, on the scale I weighed less than before I got pregnant but my jeans didnt fit?? I remember being so upset but everything had been moved. My body was different! With Hudson there hasnt been much change but I have had other CRAZY things happen! Several months ago I started loosing hair like crazy! It actually scared me. I would stand in the shower and small animals would come out of my head!! Come to find out I was loosing the hair I had gained during pregnancy!!! And then on top of that my hair looks horrid now. It has started growing all this new hair around my hairline that is out of control! It sticks up. It has wings. It looks greezy! And I am sure it doesnt help that my hair stays in a ponytail 99.9999% of the time!! My kids probably dont recognize me when I actually fix my hair and put on makeup!!! 

I will have to say even though we go through so much, it is totally worth it!!!!! The babies are such a gift and I wouldnt change it for the world. I just thank God everyday that he has allowed me to be a mommy and I just hope that on the days that I am in a slump that I am still being the best I can be... Hope everyone has a blessed night! 

Lots of love 

It's Fall!!

Woohooo...It's the 1st day of Fall and I am one happy gal! Last night we had a small scare with Hudson but other than that we are doing great!! He was really having a hard time breathing...we had to get a hold of doctors to find out if we needed to come to hospital or keep doing breathing treatments...thankfully after another treatment he started feeling better! I had a long night and didn't get much sleep from worrying! Its the first time I have been scared since we have been home! but this morning he woke up with a smile on his face! ;)
I am so excited about fall! It is my favorite time of the year! Our home is slowly turning into a "fall wonderland (instead of winter wonderland!) - I know I am weird! ;) We are not quite finished but when I get done I will post pictures! and if you know my son then you know what one of his favorite decorations for Holidays that I can't stand is....BLOWUPs!!! Well.....Thanks to Grandma Betty and Jagger we will be displaying several this Halloween season! ;) Oh well it makes Jagger so happy and that is all that matters!
We are also super excited because this week is the Delta Fair...It is a huge deal around here and the fair parade will be on Tuesday so tonight people will be setting up chairs so they will have a spot! It makes me laugh...I have mixed emotions on the fair...One side of me loves it like a child! I Love the Food!! I already have my list of food I will be enjoying! I love getting to see everyone! and now that Jagger is old enough to ride the rides, I LOVE watching how happy he is on the rides! It is worth every penny to hear him laugh and squeal on the rides! So that is one side of me...The other side does not care for the fair.one word- GERMS!!! It is a huge pool of germs! It actually makes me sick thinking of all the germs on the rides and what we are touching! Blah....I also have issues with the kids and old people that act like fools out there. Let me explain..last year Matthew and I are standing in line with Jagger, who was 3 at the time, and there was a group of teenagers cussing and throwing things right beside us. That makes me so mad that they have to act like that. Then about 20 minutes after that, we walked by two grown men fighting, literally punching each other and rolling on the ground! Seriously people its the fair! But I guess it brings out all different types! and then it is so expensive! This year the arm bands here are $20...to me this is insane. Then you know you are going to spend money on food. Like I said, I do enjoy it but I am always glad when it is over!
ok back to fall.....So I love fall decorations! and I have several other reasons this is one of my favorite season....
*the smells- pumpkin candles, chili in the crockpot, pumpkin bread in the oven! need I say more???? and not just the smells but the tastes! fair food, chili, bread, pumpkin coffee (thanks Starbucks!)..my mouth is watering now!
*clothes- I love this time of the year because of the clothes....My favorite thing to wear is jeans, boots and a lightweight sweater or long sleeve top!  I am so ready to be out of shorts and other summer clothes. I have never felt like summer clothes are flattering on me..I would much rather be in a good pair of jeans! ;)
*Scenery- Just look around! This is the time of year I can walk outside and instantly praise God. Last year, several times when driving different places I would almost run off the road looking at the absolutely beautiful scenery.. The leaves on the trees were the most beautiful color orange and reds I have ever seen! Its something I could look at all day!
so what is your favorite thing about this season?
Hope everyone has a super blessed 1st day of fall!
Lots of Love

Our Lisa!

I never knew a woman named Lisa would come into our lives and forever be a part of it. I never dreamed I would have a forever respect and love for this woman named Lisa until our nightmare began. A NICU nurse is a person you really do not understand until you are put into a NICU.
The day I met Lisa is a day that will forever be in my head, and yesterday going to Cardinal Glennon and getting to see her brought back this forever memory. It was a couple of days after I had Hudson and the hospital was giving me a 2 hour pass to get to see Hudson for the first time. I was physically sick, not only from recovering from a c-section(which if you have had one then you know you feel like your stomach is going to rip open) and then sick from the feeling of having not knowing what to expect when I walk into this hospital to see my baby boy. On the drive over, waves of nausea and tears would flood over me. I would tell Matthew, "I can't do this". He would hold my hand and say yes you can, and at the same time in the back of mind God was telling me, "yes you can". We finally get to the hospital and I get in a wheelchair so Matthew can push me to our destination. This hospital was beautifully decorated. It was so cheerful but that did not cover up all the sick children, scared parents and the doctors and nurses who were working their hardest to take care of these kids. The closer we got the more I was shaking. I wasn't sure what to expect and I truly felt like I was going to throw up. I was mad. This was not right. I should not be coming over to another hospital to see our little boy who I didn't know at the time would make it or not. I was mad because I was separated from Jagger. I was mad because I wanted to still be pregnant at home celebrating "the most wonderful time of the year". We get to the NICU, scrub in and we get to the BLUE hall that we would call home for almost 5 minutes. As Matthew, rolls me down the hall and I look at all the names on each door I was heartbroken and it became so real to me. This is a whole new world I knew nothing about....He pulls me up to the door where Hudson's sweet name was written on a cute door hanger. I set there for just a minute, took a deep breath, and stood up and that is when I met her. Lisa! She was standing in his dark room. She didn't say much at first. I knew something was wrong because there was another nurse in there and everyone was quite. She said we need to talk to you but I want you to see him first...I walked over to his little "box" and instantly fell head over heels in love. He was the most perfect 2.5lb baby I had ever seen. I knew we couldn't touch him but I wanted him to hear my voice. So in between the tears I managed to get out the song Jesus Loves Me! Immediately when I finished she said it was time to talk.....Her and the nurse practitioner started talking to us about how sick Hudson was and how he needed blood transfusion..I needed to sign these papers and his blood gas was this and all this other stuff...I remember the room getting really fuzzy and started spinning. I looked at her and said, "I am going to be sick, I need to sit down"....I sat down in the chair and the flood gates opened. I cried so hard..I couldn't stop. She walked over and put a box of tissues on my lap and said, "Here you are going to need these"! I was so mad at her...Is that all she could say?? We left not too long after that because my time limit. We said our goodbyes and left. On the way to the hospital, I told Matthew that I did not like that lady..She was not nice and I didn't want to see her again......We always laugh at this now because I don't think I was ever mad at her, it was just the situation and she just happen to be the one there!!..Well I can say all that is history and Lisa became my favorite. She became family....She became the woman I trust..She became the woman I cried too. She became the one who I loved because she was honest and always told us how she felt..She became the woman who most importantly took care of Hudson like her own and that is why I will forever love her and call her "Our Lisa"! and not just Lisa but so many other wonderful doctor and nurse who will always be in our heart!! My respect for her and all the NICU nurses is out of this world. These nurses go through so much and they work so hard! I can't imagine having the life of a baby in your hands......Yesterday we got to see Lisa while we were at the hospital and I loved getting to see the smile on her face when she got to see Hudson. What a rewarding thing! God truly blessed us!!
Hope everyone has a blessed day!

Total Surrender!!

Total Surrender....When I see these words and most of you would agree this could be a scary thing. It seems like such a commitment. It seems like something we can't fathom doing. It seems like something we are too busy to do...
This weekend was our Women's Ministry Weekend. I so look forward to this weekend every year. It is a time that my faith is renewed and I always walk away with something! This year the theme was Yes Lord...Total Surrender!! To be honest, I have known this was the theme for sometime now because I am on the leadership team but I haven't really set down and thought about it. I have not let it sink into my brain like it should have been. The speaker, Carol Kent, was out of this world! So amazing and if you have not heard of her, I suggest you look her up. She has an unbelievable story that will touch your heart in many ways.
One of her books is called When I Lay My Issac Down. This goes along with our theme. We all go through things (We are calling these things Issac) that seem totally impossible to handle or even just everyday things. God's whole plan is for us to lay them down for him,give them to him, surrender them...but why is this so difficult for us??? This weekend has opened my eyes and shown me that I have a hard time "laying my Issac down". Yes..I am a Christian. Yes..I Love Jesus..Yes Matthew and I try very hard to live our life for God, but we are human and there are things we fail at. I am a very "controlling" person, and I don't mean this in a mean or ugly way. I like having control over my kids and what they are doing. I like having control over the family calander. I just like thinking I have control of life, but as most of you know I learned with Hudson I can not have full control! God slapped me in the face during that time that I am not in control..He is! I was everything but in control in that situation. My oldest was having to be taken care of by grandparents. My newborn baby was being taken care of by doctors and nurses. I had no control! This was tough but I know God was teaching me. I have learned also that  I am the type of person who wants to lay just the leg of Issac down, not the whole thing. I have not been fully laying them down for God. I have been partially giving them and then trying to take care of the rest. That is not how it is suppose to be. We are suppose to have TOTAL surrender, not half or just a leg! I can openly say this weekend and the events I attended truly showed me some things I need to work on. This morning at church, I took the opportunity to stand in front of the church and completely lay "my Isaacs" down...Yes, Lord..Total Surrender! I give them to you and trust that you will take care of them!
So if you have any "Isaacs" you need to lay down I promise if you will, you will feel so much better knowing that God is taking care of it and that you don't have to worry about it anymore!

Please keep Hudson in your prayers..We are still dealing with sinus junk and its horrible. We are going to call doctors in the morning to see what else we can do!!

Soccer Mom!

Saturday morning was Jagger's first soccer game! We had to be there at 8:30am!! I have said before that Jagger is not a morning person. He did pretty good getting up but it took forever to get him ready! We were officially going to be late when a small light went off in his sweet little brain that today was his first game! Then he turned into turbo getting ready! We pull up out to the soccer fields and it is craziness!! People are everywhere..I don't know what I expected but I didn't expect that! We get parked and get out, Matthew turns to me and says, "well its official, you are a soccer mom! Mini van and all!" ;) I couldn't help but laugh because this is a term when you are younger you really don't think is cool but I can tell you I wouldn't want to be anything else- Van and ALL!
The game was so funny!! There is something about watching little kids play that make me so happy! I am glad we are not to the age yet where parents ruin the game! First let me explain that my Jagger is so timid at times. He is not aggressive at all. He is just there to have fun! The beginning of the game I could tell something was wrong. He was just standing on one side of the field watching the other kids play. It hit me that he is not going to run out there and push his way to the ball..now if it comes his way he is all for it! Finally after a few minutes he got it and then it was all good...He had a blast the rest of the game! The funniest part was during one of the last sessions Jagger walks off the field over to his Pa CP and says, "Pa, Can we go Dove hunting today?" hahahahahahaha...all we could do was laugh! My boy is a true country boy at heart! He could care less about all that..His main concern is God's country and what he can hunt! Gotta love him! After the game all the kids were hot and tired! They all got snacks and we headed home!
Matthew and I got to go to Jonesboro for the afternoon to celebrate my birthday while Gigi and Pa watched the babies! I was so excited! I could hardly sleep the night before because I couldn't wait to walk in a store and get to look without being distracted or having to rush because a baby is crying! We got down there and ate at Fuji! Then we go shopping...It makes me laugh because we are so geared to going places with kids, we don't hardly know how to act without them! I found myself rushing in stores just because. I definitely by passed the toys this time! I was disappointed in the selection everywhere. I didn't find much because it is hard for me to buy think sweaters when it is 98 degrees outside! So I ended up with a book, cake plate, and a shirt! :)
On the way home, I kind of started feeling yucky. Just really tired but I thought it was just going to bed late, getting up early then being gone all day. By the time we got back to town, got the kids and came home I was feeling really bad. We went to bed early and when I woke up in the night to feed Hudson I knew something was wrong. I was so achy I could hardly hold him. I was hurting all over and my throat was so sore I coudln't even swallow. The next morning, Matthew woke me up to get ready for church and I couldn't move. I knew there was no way I was going to church. We went to Grandma Betty's for lunch and to celebrate my birthday but I struggled the whole time. I just couldn't function and this is not good when you are a mom. I got worse and worse as the day went on. I felt so bad I missed our Leadership meeting at church and a birthday party. I came home and crashed. This morning I woke up with no aches but still feeling horrible. The boys and I laid around all day! We did absolutely nothing..and at one point today I had a small panic attack. I have not been sick since the night I got airlifted..Thoughts and memories came rushing into my head and all I could do was cry. This horrible feeling came over me and I got to where I couldn't breathe. I even called Matthew and was telling him I was hurting in the same spot the night I was airlifted! I knew instantly to go to God and calm down. Jagger had  been asking me if I was going back to St. Louis because I was sick and that upset me. I pulled out my bible and went to some of my favorite verses about anxiety..took some deep breaths and felt much better! God is so good! I got an appointment to the doctor and guess what??? Severe Sinus Infection! The doctor even said, Well..Its your time of the year..You have been here around the same time every year since 2008!" He gave me some medicine and sent me on my way! The rest of our night has been lazy!! I am not complaining..I have needed lazy! This soccer mom has been worn out and is happy to have a lazy day!!
Hope everyone has a blessed night!

TGIF

Thank. Goodness. It's Friday!! I don't know about you but I love Fridays! I love knowing the next day we can sleep in if we want. I love knowing that tomorrow might hold something exciting to do. I love how in the fall its the start of High School football games and so much more!! Growing up we loved Friday's because that meant at night we would get to watch TGIF....Family Matters, Step by Step and Full House!!!!
I am a very organized person or at least I try to be in my own way! I always have calenders that have all of our stuff on it and then I also have a menu calender! This is the only way I can keep up with buying groceries! ;) The last month or so I have noticed our calender is filling up so fast! I even look at the months ahead and they are slowly filling up! I guess what I am saying is that weekends are not the same as they have always been! A weekend to me was always a time to rest and recoup from the week! As Jagger is getting older and more involved, Matthew and I are also getting involved with our own things, I am seeing our weekends look like our weeks! Crammed full and some days several things right after another! How do we get like this and I know in several years when Hudson gets older it will only get worse!! It kind of gives me anxiety thinking about it!??? I honestly do not see how people with over 3 kids do it??? How do you spend time with your family? How do you have time for supper together? or are we at an age in time where we are so wrapped up in "activities" that we forget what is important??? I pray that Matthew and I do not get to this point! I hope no one gets offended by this....I know we all love to be involved but I hope Matthew and I can step back and say No to things. I hope we can say no to overly full schedules and yes to a little bit of free time. I want to make sure we don't get so wrapped up we forget who we are and what our main focus is. I think this  is so important! and maybe I am wrong??
My birthday was yesterday and it amazing! I can't even begin to explain how blessed I am! I am so excited that I got to celebrate this birthday was two of the most precious boys ever and an amazing husband! They truly make me feel special! The best part of my day was laying in the floor with Jagger and Hudson. Jagger was on one side of me and Hudson on the other! Jagger was playing with my hair and Hudson just doing his Hudson talk! Jagger and I were talking about everything...talking about how old I was ..talking about how much we loved each other...talking about Jesus...talking about how happy we are Hudson is with us...and so many other things! I know these are "gifts" I will treasure forever!
I am super excited because tomorrow is Jagger's first soccer game! It makes me laugh because it is a 8:30 in the morning and as I have said before Jagger is not a morning person! The other day he ask me if he would EVER get to sleep in again! I told him probably not.. especially with soccer on every Saturday and we do early church on Sunday 8:30! Oh well..it has been great for us because we have been in bed every night no later than 9:30!! Its awesome!
Hope everyone has a blessed Friday night!!
Lots of Love

27 Years!

Conversation from yesterday- Matthew: Are you really going to be 27 tomorrow? Me: Yes. Why?   Matthew: You are suppose to be 28...You are 27 now..   Me: No??? I am going to be 27 tomorrow...  Matthew: Really??....(a small pause) Wow...I really married a young one! :)


I can not believe I am 27! Where do the years go? I feel like yesterday I was 10 years old staying with my grandma, playing Barbies and just enjoying life! I have been sitting here this morning looking back over my life and I can honestly say that I have had a great life! Now...It hasn't been perfect and there have been several things I wish could have been different but I know that even the bad things are what have brought me to where I am today!! There are several things I have learned in 27 years....

*No one can truly prepare you for how hard life is at times!!! I know no one ever told me life would be easy but good grief!!! There are times you want to just throw hands in the air and say you are done, but as we all know we can't do this! The times I have felt like this especially over this last year, I just turn to God and say here you go...I can't handle this..but you can!!

* I wish I could go back to my spoiled, selfish teenage self and tell her to get over it and that all that junk she was worrying about does not amount to a hill of beans!! I think we all get like this in our life! We look back and think why in the world was I worrying about that???  I think this is something that you learn when you become an adult, get a family and see what the true important things are!

*I never dreamed being a parent would bring on so much heartache/anxiety/stress/happiness/joy/LOVE/and everything else in between! It's amazing how as parents you experience so many emotions! In one minute you are crying because we are so proud of something our kids have done but in the same minute we are crying because we don't want them to grow up! I seriously think my heart has hurt more over my kids than that stupid boy who broke my heart growing up!! but not only that..I have Laughed more since I have had kids! The joy they bring to your life is unreal!! Every day I pray that my boys know how much I love them and that God has truly given me a gift when he allowed me to be their mommy!

*Friends come and go... and through life you will find out who your true friends are!!! and when you do find them don't let them go!!! ;)

*Having designer clothes and lots of material things do not make life better or make you a better person! I find it funny that I get more compliments on the things I have bought at a consignment store or found on clearance! Jagger has truly taught me that it does not matter what I wear or what we have....He LOVES me for me not for all that and he loves life not caring about any of this! I love what kids can teach us!

* There are days that load of laundry can wait....This has been tough on me because I am OCD. ;) but my kids are more important than laundry or cleaning the house! That stuff will still be here the next day...the time spent with my babies is more important!

*Don't sweat the small stuff!! Learn to relax and just enjoy life! Quit stressing over things you can not control! Once the day is over you can't get it back....How did you spend your day?? Laughing, and enjoying it   or stressed and mad all day?

* Jesus, Jesus and more Jesus! He is the only thing that will get you through life! You need him every second of every day! There was a period in my life I turned away from him and it got me no where...It brought me a lot of pain, stress and heartache.....This is not something I am proud of but I am human.....I learned from this and know this is not how I want my life! He is number 1 and I am not afraid to say it!


Hope everyone has a blessed day!!!

Our World!

I have set down so many times this week to blog but then Hudson will start crying or Jagger needs something..It just hasn't been in my favor. I am excited that I have a few minutes to sit down. I love to blog so much and I know one day I will get to the point I can everyday but right now I will take the kids crying and wanting stuff...Time flies so fast!
I have alot I want to get out and I really don't even know where to start! I guess I will start with last night! Matthew and I were so excited because at 8:30 both boys were asleep and we were pumped because we  could actually watch Duck Dynasty without being inturrpted! That does not happen much! There have been times it has taken a full week to watch one movie because we have to start and stop it! So many of you understand how exciting it is to watch a show or movie straight through! ;) Anyways..I sit down to look through facebook before the show started! WRONG thing to do! My whole news feeds was  bad, bad, and bad! Everyone was sharing and posting stories of horrible things. West Nile in Mosquitoes, Man with HIV sleeping with all these people, Woman with baby that was shot in the stroller, kids being abducted, sex trafficking, babies being molested, stupid Miley Cyrus, and so much more! By the time I got done (which I didn't even finish looking at everything) I was sick to my stomach and crying! I have figured out I really like living in my "Megan Bubble" where I am unaware of whats going on in the world but I know that is not how life needs to be either. I know there is so much good out there, and normally I am not one to get sucked into the negative things but I felt like last night it was all thrown in my face at once! I couldn't help but cry that my sweet innocent boys will grow up in this sickness! I was crying and telling Matthew I am ready for Jesus to come back and take us to our safe home where no one will be sick. No little girl or boy will be beat/abused/molested/sold in sex trafficking like they are worthless/ no cancer or sickness! I just can't wait! I know all these things we can not dwell on because God does not want us setting around scared all the time for our life but I think it is important to be aware that there is bad stuff out there because as Matthew tells me...When we let our guard down that is when bad things happen! Our job as parents is to protect our children and to trust that God will give us the wisdom and guidance on how to do the best we can!  So after crying and venting and praying I finally decided I am going to start trying to find a good article and posting it instead of negative junk! I find it amazing that good news does not spread like bad news! I saw a thing where Sylvester Stalone accepted Christ as his Savior and was very open about it but did we see that on the news???? NO... but if he would have done something crazy at a bar or got taken to jail it would have been everywhere!!! ....hhhhmmmmm...something to think about! Seems a little backwards to me!
ok ill get off that soapbox!! This week really has been a good one! Jagger LOVES preschool! I am so happy that he enjoys it. That is a true answered prayer from God! We have had problems with anxiety with him and I really did not want him to be miserable there but he does love it!! He is going to be playing soccer and this week was the first practice....Before practice he was asking Matthew if there would be a person to guard the goal. When Matthew told him No, he looked at his daddy and straight faced said, "Well I don't want to play then!". This boy knows what he wants... He is such a sweet boy! I am so proud of him!
Hudson is doing great too! We had therapy this week and they were super proud of his progress! Its funny because I know he is doing good and progressing but I see him everyday. I love when the therapist comes in and can see big steps he has done! He got to start eating cereal this week. So far he is still trying to figure it out but I think he is enjoying it! They told us if to give him a week on it for 1 time a day then we can go up to 2 times then if he does good with that we can start a green veggie!! Woohooo.... I can't believe its time for that! It seems unreal to me that this year is more than half over! I have already had my mind going to Christmas several times and then I have to say stop Megan...we have several "other" Holiday we need to enjoy first!
Hope everyone has a blessed day!!
Lots of love

Learned My Lesson!!

So today was a first and last experience for me! I got brave and took both the boys to Jonesboro by myself!!! What was I thinking? In my head it sounded ok! Hudson normally does really well because he will just sit in the stroller! I really was praying about Jagger. He is NOTa shopper and it normally stresses me out when I take him! I am not sure when this happened because he use to be awesome! I am thinking its because I don't have a double stroller and he has to walk! He use to sit in the stroller and play Ipad or watch movies! He cant do that now so I think it messed our whole experience up!! Today was one of those HAVE to go things!! It couldn't wait and it was the only day to go! This morning I walked out the door saying " I got this!!" "Jesus is with me!". The ride down was good! The first stop was Academy Sports! I had my list and we were there get only the list! I was not even gonna look at anything.....well i forgot I had 4 year old eyes with me!!  Instantly... Momma, can I have this! Momma I want that!! And on and on!! It was about to drive me insane! I think I spent more time saying no lets go than it took me getting what we went there to get! We get to the car and by this time Hudson is crying! Booo... Not what I am wanting!! We were already in the car and pulling out so I thought he can wait a few minutes until the next stop! So in between Hudson's crying even louder and Jagger yelling over him, I am trying to focus on the road and say a small prayer! We get to LifeWay and I get Hudson out! Jagger starts complaining he doesn't want to go in LifeWay because I always take way tooo long in here!! This makes me smile and I tell him that is not a bad thing! LifeWay takes all of 5 minutes but of course Jagger is begging for candy! The sweet girl was trying to explaining something to me and I seriously didn't hear one word she said because my attention was on my fussy baby and my 4 year old begging for chocolate!  

The next stop is the mall!! Blah! I know people were laughing at me because I was literally speed walking down the mall dragging jagger along! Poor guy. I refused to spend more time in that mall than necessary! I was determined to do what was needed and get out! We finished the mall and headed to Target! This is where the issue started! I had Hudson in the stroller, and I knew I needed a cart but how was I gonna do both so I decided to stick with stroller. We were putting all the stuff in the bottom and if you know strollers you know the bottom does not hold much! Well within 10 minutes the poor basket was sagging. We were almost to the the toy isle( i had promised Jagger a game) and it hit me. I needed to use the bathroom! I had been holding it since Academy Sports! And there was no waiting! We were literally running to the bathroom. Jagger is crying because we skipped the toys and now he wont get one!  I know people are really staring now! We get to the bathroom and I realize we cant take anything in because my stroller is full of unpaid merchandise!!! Ggggeeezzzz! I have to take the car seat out and get us all in the bathroom while trying to tell Jagger if he doesn't stop he wont get a toy! Thankfully at this point Hudson is laughing at Jagger! We finally get out of the bathroom, get Jagger a toy and then it dawns on me one of the things I specifically came for is in a big box!!! I didn't even blink an eye..I am so ready to get gone Ill do anything! I grab the box and carry it under one arm while the other arm pushes the stroller ,all while telling Jagger to hurry up!!! We pay and by the time I get to the car I am almost in tears!! I couldn't even remember what we bought! It was craziness and it is something I don't want to experience again!! I get everything loaded, kids in seat and we head to Chic-fil-a for some food! Hudson starts crying because its nap time!! I just ordered the food, and headed out! He cried until we got out of city limits! I thought on the way home I would have some quite time but wrong again! Jagger talked the whole way, which was fine! We had some good one on one conversation! He is so sweet and I love him so much but God did not give me boys that like to shop! From now on I will be going alone!!! :) 

Hope everyone has a blessed night!  

Lots of love

New Chapters!

This week has been a big week in our home!  Our sweet Jagger Preslee started preschool! Preschool is different here than where I am from! It is associated with the public school! There is a morning class and afternoon class! It is also everyday of the week! Well as you know, I am a stay at home mom so Jagger has never really had to be anywhere every single day! I have really been nervous about this because since I have stayed at home....well lets just say we had our own "schedule"! Do whatever whenever! 

Let me tell you a little about this child.... He has NEVER taken naps!! Ever!!! He will flat tell you that sleeping is boring!! About a year and half ago we tried to send him to a daycare so he could start getting use to being around other kids and being away from me!! Once he found out there was naps he was D.O.N.E.   he was having no part of that!! He was miserable! I was miserable! It was awful. So needless to say we decided to not go anymore!

 He has never gotten up early!! As my dad would say he likes to burn the midnight oil! There have been Matthew and I will fall asleep on the couch/recliner and little ol Jagger is still watching TV!  And this is no ones fault but our own!! 

I have always taken Jagger everywhere with me! I have never let having a small child stop me from doing anything! He has always gone a lot with me! So this whole school thing/schedule thing is a new exciting world for us!!

Matthew and I have been dreading the day that he started school! We have felt that is when our sweet innocent baby will come home corrupted and part of the ugly world!! I sound crazy don't I?? I hate our babies growing up! It makes my heart hurt! So anyway the weekend came and went and here we were Sunday night preparing for school!! We got backpack set out, clothes set out, bath, teeth brushed, and jammies on. We got in bed and said our night time prayer then read The Kissing Hand! During the middle of the book, I look over because I hear something and its my husband crying!! My heart broke! I was actually worried something else was wrong but played it off so Jagger wouldn't notice! Once Jagger got to sleep I knew from Matthews face he was heartbroken because reality is setting in that baby boy is growing up, and plus if you have ever read The Kissing Hand you know it will send you over the edge and you cant stop crying!!! 

The next morning was crazy! I woke Jagger up at 6:40 because this child is not a morning person! It takes him a good hour to wake up and not be a bear. Plus he likes to lay on the couch, drink apple juice and watch a cartoon before doing anything. So i thought if I moved him to the couch at 6:40 he would have plenty if time to get his bearings straight before we left!!! Around 7:15 we started getting ready because of course we have to take our first day of school picture! And thanks to Pinterest a normal picture in front of the door is not good enough! We have to have chalk boards and all the other stuff! I sometimes think Pinterest has made lifea little   more complicated at times! :) we also had cute Pig cookies to take to school for snack!! Thank you GiGi for making them! Matthew and I both went to take him! We did really well until we started walking away and thats when I broke down! It finally hit me he was staying at school all alone and guess what??? He was happy!! Smiling and everything!! This is not right!! He is suppose to be crying and wanting to stay with me??? 

The time he was at school flew by and I was so excited to pick him up! He was grinning from ear to ear! He hopped in the car and told me all about it! Said he was ready to go back the next day!! 

The best part was he was in bed asleep by 8:30!! That is seriously a world record in our house!! I am thinking this preschool thing is going to be great!!

I also know that even though we have been sad about him growing up, its in God's plan! I know there is nothing I can do! All I can do is lean on God for comfort and trust that he is protecting my baby in this new chapter of his life! 

Hudson update- Smiles all the time! Loves to to sit up and stand up with our help of course! LOVES to laugh at his big brother! Weighs almost 12lbs! 

Please keep us in your prayers as we try our best to keep him away from all germs coming soon!  Starting in the next month VNA will start coming to our house and giving him rsv shots. We will be homebound October-mid March due to flue and rsv!! We are gonna have to work extra hard to keep him protected from germs big brother will bring home from preschool!!!

Hope everyone had a blessed first week of school!!! 

Lots of Love 

Finally!!

It has been awhile since I got to sit down and blog! Well I am finally getting the chance and I am sitting in the kitchen floor waiting on Jagger's pizza to cook! And I have to tell you my son would eat pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner! We get creative with how we make them! Today it is on a flour tortilla!!! Hey whatever works huh??

Ok so you would think that since I havent blogged in so long I would be so insanely busy, but I look back and I haven't. My days are just non stop Hudson and Jagger! I am not complaining one single bit because Monday my sweet Jagger will start preschool! He will be going everyday 8-11. Our preschool here is part of the public school but its half day. You either go morning or after lunch! We are morning!!! This cracks me up because for 4 years now Jagger has never been a morning person! I think he is in for a rude awakening! :) i am looking forward to finally getting him on some sort of schedule!

I am trying to think what we have been up to! We did go to Mom and Dad's for a few days, which was awesome!! It was Hudson's first time to be at their house! Jagger was excited to show him around. I was alittle nervous how he would do about sleeping in a different place but he did great!!

 We have had several birthday parties we have been to! I hosted a baby shower here at the house. I got hooked on a silly tv show on Netflix that consumed my life for several days! I have helped a dear friend in her classroom at school. So really not much exciting!!

Well time to get off here and get little one down for his nap!!! 

Hope everyone has a blessed day! 

Lots of Love

hudson ready for allysons party!

At moms visiting

7 Months!

Hudson, I can't believe it but as of yesterday you were 7 months old! The time is flying by! It seems like yesterday we were in St. Mary's hospital wondering how we were going to make it through all this and here we are! God is good! 

So here is a little about you this month!!!

Weight as of the 25th (St. Louis dr appointment)- 10lb 9 ounces!!! Wooohoooo  the doctors said you have finally made it on the growth curve! 

Clothes size- 0-3 or some 3 months! You officially do not fit in newborn clothes anymore! I cant believe I am having to go through and get rid!   Diapers: size 1

Eating: bottle (breastmilk mixed with formula) taking between 3.5 to 4 ounces! You are eating around every 4 hours now! And then at night sometimes you go around 5!! Mommy is happy about this! 

You are such a happy baby! You love everyone and will smile at anyone! You especially love your brother!! You always look for him! You have not officially laughed completely out loud! You have a sort of laugh but its not a full giggle like we are waiting for! 

You have found your feet and you cant figure out what they are! We love to watch you look at them! You have started chewing on everything and you can put your whole fist in your mouth!!! I am wondering if you are working on a tooth!!! 

You are in physical therapy and you do not like tummy time! The therapists will start coming out once a week to work with you!!

You have been sick for the first time since we have been home! This makes me very nervous but I know its going to happen. The doctors checked you over and couldn't find anything so they are thinking a small summer cold! You never ran fever or anything just a yucky cough!!

Mommy can't believe how much progress you are making! I am so proud of you and can't wait to see what the next month holds!!!

Hope everyone has a blessed day!!! 

Lots of Love! 

Some People!!

Some people will never change!!! It doesn't matter what you do or how you treat them they will never change! Over the last several years there are a few people that I have spent too much time trying to get them to like me or accept me and I have learned its not going to happen! This is one of my major faults. I care too much what people think! The only person that should matter is God. I tell myself this all the time but then it never fails they end up making me cry or cause me to feel not good enough! I realize I don't come from a lot of money or have a lot of money. I realize I don't use proper grammar all the time. I realize I make my kids mind me and do believe in getting on to them!I realize I didn't go to college and finish the right way or wasn't part of a sorority! But all things aside I can honestly say that I feel I am a good person! I LOVE people! I Love to make people smile! I want to help you in any way I can! I can listen when you are down and most importantly I can pray for you! I won't judge you because you aren't always wearing name brand clothes or you don't have your hair fixed! I love to laugh and have a good time and don't require fancy things! I promise if you could ever get past your issues with me and give me a chance you might be pleasantly surprised! But if that doesn't happen then I know it will be ok! I guess in life you can't make everyone like you!!!

I never dreamed I would let these people get to me so bad but I have. I am human. I don't like being hurt and bottom line is we all want to feel accepted! We want to be loved and treated with respect! 

I have had many talks with God and begged him to help me not care about them or what they do but guess what I can't. It is ingrained into who I am to care about people. God truly wants me to care for them even when they don't for me! And its amazing as I sit here and write this I am thinking this is what Jesus would do! He cares even for the people who don't like him!

I am sorry I have gotten off on this soapbox today but it has been on my heart and I needed a way to "release" it!!! This is something I have been dealing with for several years and I know with God I can work through it! So bear with me and I promise I will quit whining about this! 

Update on my kiddos- jagger got sick on Friday and we had to take him to Urgent care! We were very upset because first you hate when your babies are sick and second, we can not let Hudson get sick!! Jagger was and has been running high fever and all kinds of other stuff! Doctor gave us meds and sent us home! We tried our best to keep them separated. Well yesterday Hudson started showing signs of not feeling well! Coughing, not eating, really fussy.... Instantly my heart sank! I know the day will come when he will get sick but I want it to be awhile from now! I called the hospital and doctors and they told us what to watch for. So in between the no sleep because you have to rotate tylenol  and motrin every 2 hours and cleaning  up throw up, to holding the baby all night because he started crying when I laid him down we finally made it to the doctor today and they are treating Hudson for allergies!!! Wooohooo! I can handle this! They ran every test and xray but couldn't find anything! They probably thought I am nuts but better safe than sorry! We have been through too much and I am not taking any chances! Hopefully we can all get some rest tonight!!!!!

Hope everyone had a blessed day! 

Lots of love! 

Where Do You See Yourself!

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?? This is a question I remember thinking about many times in high school and I honestly can't believe in May I have been out of high school 10 years! Over the last few months I have looked back on my life to see if its close to what I thought it would be! Some things are and some things are completely different! 

I always wanted to be married to man who grew up in small town! I wanted to be apart of a small town and have my kids grow up in that small town! Check.. that happened! Now I am not going to lie, this town was very hard for me to move into! The first year I cried all the time! I did not feel accepted and really didn't have anywhere to turn except to my mom who lived 3 hours away!! But its amazing how now 5 years later I truly feel this home! I feel this is where God wants us. At least for now!!!

I love my family but grew up with a small one. Just me, mom, dad and my grandma. I always wanted my husbands family to be big and close knit. I wanted my husband to have siblings that I would become best friends with and a mother in law who I was just as close with! Matthew does have a big family and I feel blessed to be part of it!  

Now 10 years ago I did not think that I would be married with kids this soon, but obviously God had other plans for me!! I always saw myself getting through college and having a great job, then getting married and having kids! Wrong....did go to college but not the way I thought... My fancy job= stay at home mom! I NEVER dreamed or thought I would be a stay at home mom!! I really didn't even have that desire. Now...I wouldn't have it any other way! 

I always saw myself involved in church. I never dreamed I would Love a church and church family as much as I do ours! I have really been blessed with Matthew's church! The people in the church are awesome and I always look forward to seeing everyone! I have made some very special relationships being a part of this church! I cant imagine life without it! 

Matthew and I were just talking the other day about 10 years ago, did he think he would be married, have 2 boys and one of them have to spend over 4 months in a hospital! No!!! We never think that! Most of the time what we think we want and where we see ourself is not what God has in mind!! 

So where do I see myself in 10 years??? I really have no idea! Hopefully still being the best stay at home mom I can be! Hopefully watching my boys play sports, attending school functions and teaching them to be awesome followers of Christ! I honestly have no idea what or where we will be in 10 years! Heck for all I know we may be in Heaven with Jesus! But whatever he has in store for us I know it will be awesome and I am going to enjoy every second of it even if its not what I had in mind for myself! 

Hope everyone has a blessed day!! 

Revival!

Do you ever get stuck in a rut and are not sure what is going on? I am pretty sure this is what I have been going through lately! If you know Matthew and I then you know God is number #1 in our lives and our house. This is something that we are not afraid of and we are determined to raise our boys with God being number 1. I know that many reading may not have the same beliefs that I do or not have the same faith and I totally respect that. I know some of you may not like to read on the days that I talk about my faith and love for God, but it is who I am. It is a part of me!
Ever since we have gotten home from St. Louis I have really felt something going on inside of me. I have felt a strong need for Jesus. Life has been super busy since we have been home and there have been alot of days Jesus has been pushed to the back burner. There have been times I am so tired I just want to sleep instead of spending time with him. There have been times I just don't want to spend time with him, I would rather look on Facebook, or Instagram. It hurts me to say these things but its the truth. I am human. I mess up and make bad choices! I get down and out because I have not been to church since I have been home. I miss worship. I miss seeing all the smiling faces in our church. I miss my quite time I use to have. I miss all this but I have learned it is just not possible right now. Our life is different and things have changed and because our life is changed I have to find different ways to spend time with him.
I have seen God work in our life like never before this year. He has done full blown miracles that at times blow my mind when I think about it. You would think after seeing all of this I would never put him on the backburner or feel my faith waiver. But I do...I am human and I go through different seasons of life. but with all this being said, I have asked God to do a revival in my heart! I need a revival. I need to be restrengthened. I need to be forgiven for not putting him first.

Jesus, I need you. I need to know you are with me now more than ever. There are times I am exhausted and worn out and I need you. I want to make you proud of me. Please forgive me for putting many things before you. Please help me to put all things aside and focus on you and your kingdom. Fill with the Holy Spirit and do a revival inside of me. I ask that you would do a revival not only in me but in others (friends, family, church family, all believers and non believers). I love you so much. In his name, Amen!

Hope everyone has a blessed day!

The Rest Of The Day!

So if you read my blog yesterday then you know that we were not having the best day!!! but after I got done blogging I am thinking God may have felt sorry for me because things completely turned around! Matthew and I decided it might be best for all of us to get out of the house and start over! I have learned that some days are best if you just "start over"! We decided to take our big guy to the movies! Just mommy, daddy and Jagger! Hudson got to stay with Gigi so that we could take Jagger and just focus our attention on him! We got ready in about 30 minutes and headed out the door! Jagger picked Pizza Inn for supper, but Matthew and I were not complaining.. I mean who can pass up Chocolate Chip Pizza???? Not this family! :)
Jagger wanted to watch Monisters University. It was precious! I did notice that Matthew and I laughed more than Jagger but I am pretty sure they make these movies with parents in mind! Thanks for the laugh Disney!
After the movie, we went to Walmart to grab a few things! We told Jagger he could pick out one small prize and what does he come out with??? A Duck Dynasty t-shirt and matching bandaids! We were cracking up! I am hoping we burned him out on toys but I am sure we are not that lucky!
The rest of the night consisted of finishing up our puzzle and going to bed! Oh wait and killing mosquitoes in the house! I love Southeast Missouri but these dang mosquitoes are insane! I don't think you can ever get use to them!
Hope everyone has a blessed day!

Wrong Side Of The Bed!

Today is one of those days where I am beginning to think our whole family woke up on the wrong side of the bed!!! It reminds me of the book Alexander and the terrible, horrible no good very bad day!! I loved this book when I was little and I think we are living it today! If you have not read it, you really should...its cute!  We have all been not on the same page today! We are irratible and grumpy! Not sure what happened or where we went wrong and I would love to say that we are the perfect family and this never happens but I can't! We are human! I finally had to call Aunt Claire and see if she could come rescue Jagger. Hudson and I have been hiding out in the house and Matthew is outside working on the fence!! I have tried to lay Hudson down 3 times for a nap and as soon as I lay him down his eyes pop open and the tears come on! I thought today I could move the furniture around so that I could do some major cleaning (There are dust bunnies growing like crazy under the couches!)...I got all the furniture moved to the center of the room and guess what? It is still there! The floor is clean but as soon as I got it clean it was time to fix lunch! Jagger told me he likes our new living room and wants to know if we can keep it that way! ;)
I sit here and wonder why some days are like this!?? We are normally all very happy and get along great but then every once in awhile we just have a bad day! I don't really know what to do or how to prevent them! I have been praying off and on all day that God would help us and I hope we are not the only family that goes through this! I also hope I don't sound like some whiny mom, that is complaining about her family!  but part of me is having a small pity party for myself because I hate days like this! I am just grateful they are few and far between!!
Well...Hudson is red faced and screaming so I guess I better help my little guy out!!! ;)
Hope everyone has a blessed day!

Can't Sleep!

Geeezzz...its 12:29 and I am still awake! blah! I hate when this happens because I know that very soon little Hudson is going to wake up and need to eat! Should I just stay up or try to sleep for a bit. Honestly I feel better if I just stay up! It's amazing how when your body is asleep it is harder to wake up than if you are up! or at least for me it is! We have had a good weekend and week so far! Nothing exciting going on except that Matthew is on vacation! Jagger is in heaven! He hates when his dad goes to work and we explained to him over and over that daddy has to work so we can have our house and all his toys! His response: we can sell my toys and live in a smaller house! YEAH right???? The minute I start picking up his toys all "you know what" breaks loose! It cracks me up...I don't understand kids. How can they not touch a toy in over a year but the minute you are about to give it away it becomes their favorite toy?? I don't get it! So anyways, Jagger is super pumped about getting to spend every minute with his dad! Me I am excited because my honey do list might get a few things checked off of it! As for Matthew, I am not sure he is really getting to enjoy his vacation like a true vacation! He might be happy to go back to work after this week! :)
I really can't think of much else going on in our world except for piles and piles of laundry, lots of dishes and dust collecting on the furniture that is driving me insane (on my list of to do for the week!) We had an awesome 4th of July! Probably one of the best ones we have had! Jagger loves fireworks! He got to shoot fireworks every night for a week straight! Doesn't get much better than that! I use to love fireworks growing up but for some reason the older I have gotten the less I care for them! Yes, I think they are really pretty but I guess when I know that my money is literally burning up into tiny pieces in the sky, it kind of bothers me! Oh well...it makes Jagger happy so that is all that matters! We also got to spend time with my family! My cousin came in from Georgia! I was so excited about seeing her and her girls! I miss them so much! They loved getting to see Jagger and meet Hudson for the first time!
ok I am finally getting somewhat sleepy!!!
Hope everyone had a blessed day!
Lots of Love