Thursday, June 10, 2021

Jerry Springer

 Do you ever wake up from a day and wonder if that really happened? Was this all a bad dream? My life here lately has been like this? In the last month, we have had a death in the family, my grandpa had an emergency pacemaker put in, my grandmother is having heart trouble and is in and out of the hospital, my mimi was put in the hospital, momma is battling an ugly case of  bronchitis, my nose surgery, and then just normal life things....baseball, swim, and weight-lifting. Oh yea...and I am a mom and a wife!! 

My dad's family is extremely complicated. I even said in an earlier blog post, that I always knew this but I honestly had no idea how complicated. This is where Jerry Springer comes in.....I woke up this morning and truly questioned if we had been on an episode. What just happened here? Last night, I laid in the floor crying out to God to intervene. Please come and heal the brokenness. Please come and heal the pain. For years, I have blamed myself for the problems of this family. I truly believed for a long time that me being born was some of the issues, but I have come to realize that these problems stem far before I was born. 

In times like these I have never been so grateful for my relationship with Christ. I truly know without a doubt that HE is here with me. I can't control what goes on, but I can control what I have with him. I have made huge mistakes in my life. I have screwed up. I sin every single day. I am not perfect, but I do know he LOVES me. I do know that he has forgiven me, and that is something that no one can take away from me. 

The last few years have taught me that material things are nothing! The older I have gotten the more I could care less about material things. You want it...you can have it! I can't fathom only putting my focus on what my parents and grandparents are going to leave me when they are gone. Memories are all I want, and boy do I have some. I am so so grateful for the load of memories that I have, and what's even better is that they are good ones. I love they are my memories and no one can take them! 

I have no idea what the future holds for our family. All I know is that God is completely aware of the situation, and it's not my job to figure it out. It's my job to continue to pray and trust in HIM. Just know if you are reading this and you feel like you are living an episode of Jerry Springer you are not alone. I do  know the episode will end, we will walk off the stage and it will all be okay! 

My advise for the day: Pick up the phone and tell someone you love them! They need to hear it! 

Enjoy your day! 

Wednesday, June 9, 2021

A Day

 Let me start by saying that it is 8:13am and I have already had two cups of coffee and walked 2.5 miles this morning!!!! Holy cow...who is this person? This is the same girl that the last few months can't hardly will herself out of bed, let alone get more than 1,000 steps a day. I know, I know, you are thinking big deal Megan. But this is a big deal and if you are someone who knows what a "low" is then you get it. Depression is this ugly monster that grabs hold of you and won't let go, so having the "want to" is a big deal! 

Yesterday was a pretty normal day for us. I honestly can't remember what I did of the morning, so obviously it wasn't anything exciting or important! (I really am scared that I am getting the onset of dementia or alztehimers) I do know we had to get Hudson to swim team by 11.  Oh wait, it came to me. I got up and had my quite time. Goodness knows I need that more than the air I breathe. It has been a hot minute since I have actually set down with God, and studied his word. I talked to him. I cried. I ask questions. I sat still in his presence and man did it feel good. After a few cups of coffee, I curled up on the couch with another cup of coffee and watched The Butler. Its an oldie but goodie. Its one of my top favorites.

Around 10:35, I figured it was time to literally throw on some clothes and get out the door to swim team. I have officially become the parent that gets their kid to practice at the exact time it starts. I use to be the over achiever who would get there early, but that's too easy. I like to keep my life on edge. I came to a legit rolling stop and Hudson jumped out of the car all while yelling, "I love you Mom". "I love you too, Huddy". God knew I needed to be told first. 

Jagger and I used our little bit of free time to run to Wal-Mart to return the 3 bags of clothes that I randomly bought one night when I was aimlessly walking around trying to find something to buy. Wal-Mart has stepped up their game over the last few years, and it makes my heart so happy. Right now I am in such an ugly funk with my body that every single thing I bought was taken back. Now I know why I hate shopping for clothes. Please just take me to Dirt Cheap so I can buy a ton of random stuff that has nothing to do with my body shape or size and it will only cost $10. 

After Wal-Mart, we had 20 minutes to spare so what else is there to do except get some food! Jagger wanted Sonic, so like any hip Mom I pull out my phone to use my Sonic app. I am trying to get better about using fast food apps, but I am still not quite there. I place the order and feel like I accomplished something awesome. We get to Sonic and I am so proud of myself because all we have to do is pick up the food and we are still on time to get Hudson. The sweet Sonic lady brings the food out and while she is reading off the list of things we got, in the back of mind I'm thinking that doesn't sound right. FYI...My family eats everything PLAIN!! and when I say plain I mean there better not be one single speck of anything on it or that joker is getting thrown back in the bag! I turn to look at Jagger to confirm what I am hearing and he says, "Mom, I think our order is wrong". I'm like surely not..I ordered exactly what you wanted on the app. A PLAIN cheeseburger...or at least that is what I thought I ordered. Nope! That would be too easy. I had ordered a cheeseburger with spicy mayo, jalapenos, chili and bacon!!!! What in the world? Come on Sonic...who in their right mind would order this? Apparently me....I wonder what the Sonic people were thinking when they saw this order? Needless to say, this didn't fly with Jagger, so I quickly ordered a plain cheeseburger. At this point, I am getting a little antsy and nervous about getting back to pick up Hudson. Thankfully Sonic was on their A game and got the meat, cheese, and bread out quickly! 

Once we got Hud picked up, we came home and worked on chores! That's a whole post for itself. The night ended with a ballgame, a night time walk, and some 2nd grade teacher work! Not bad for a pretty normal day! 

So I will leave you with my advise for the day.....If you are ordering food from a mobile app, please make sure you double check your order before you submit it! It will save you time and money! 

Go enjoy your day! 

Monday, June 7, 2021

Family

 Family...a word that means so much to some and so little to many. My whole life I have always had this vision that I had a close family. The last few years have opened my eyes to truths that are far from what I had in mind as a close family. Isn't it amazing how as a child and younger adult you see things totally different than what they are. I think that is why God tells us in the bible to be like small children! They handle and see things much better than adults do.....something to think about?

Anywho.....To start, let me give you a small background. You might get lost, but that's okay. There are still some days I can't keep us all straight! My grandmother, Margie Lantz, had 8 children! 2 beautiful girls and 6 handsome boys! One of the boys, Kenny Lee, is my dad! He is the 2nd to the youngest. Jason, the baby passed when he was 2 years old. So fast forward a lot of years and you have my grandmother, who is 90 years old and has 8 children, 18 grandchildren (I call us the originals), 27 great grandchildren, and 7 great great children!  WOW!!!! That is amazing to me that one person can bring this much life! 



I know some of you are saying, "Wait, I thought you were the only grandchild on both sides.....) I am! I am the only Bennett Grandchild...There were a few husbands in the mix of all these blessings, but we won't go into that and who am I to judge? I was never in my Grandmother's shoes. It is strange that I am an only grandchild on my mom's side and the only on my dad's dad side! Have I lost you yet? 

Back to the fam...Growing up we always, we meaning Dad, Momma, and Me, were at Grandma's. I honestly can't remember a holiday/ weekend that we were not with my dad's family. ( I even spent every spring break and summers at grandma's) Our big holiday get togethers were Easter, Mother's Day, 4th of July, and Thanksgiving. These were those times during the year that the WHOLE clan got together. My grandmother's house is small, and we would have so many people crammed in, it would be busting at the seams. And I LOVED it. I can remember being almost giddy the night before each of these holidays. All the wonderful food, all of my family...I mean what more could a girl want? Some of the holidays, so many of us would spend the night we would have pallets all over the floors. I would wake up to the sounds of grandma starting the bread or dressing at 5am. Being one of the youngest grandchildren, I would be so excited to see everyone and I craved the attention of all my older cousins. I thought my Aunt's were the most beautiful things ever with their long painted nails, and fancy hair. To some this would have been an event of chaos but to me it was comfort. During these days, I was so happy nothing could bring me down and I had no idea of the heartache and pain that was dwelling in our family. 

As I became a teenager a shift started to happen. People started going different ways. Grandma's house wasn't full to the brim, and I began to sense that there was more to our family than I had ever known. All the years growing up, I was closer to some than others. In the town of Strawberry where my Grandmother lives, my two uncles and their families live there also, so it was just natural that I was closer to them. And boy was I thankful for them. 3 boy cousins, and me right in the middle. Everywhere they went, I went. 4 wheelers, dirt bikes, mud, fishin, back roading...You name it, we did it. Even in our late teenage years we  still did life together. They will always hold a special place  in my heart. 

Even being close to the family we had, there was still this longing for more. Still a longing for a family that was close and did life. Yes, we did these holidays together but that was it. Nothing else. I honestly can't even explain the feeling. It was like we were all there, we ate, we left and that was it until the next go around. I think being an only child, I crave a belonging and acceptance that is hard to explain. I found a journal from a few years before I met Matthew, that was asking God to please provide me a husband that was close to his family and possibly even had sisters that would accept and love me like I was one of their own....He did answer some of that prayer. God works in funny ways. 

 As the years have past, we have had many heart aches in our family. We have had lots of loss. We have had lots of pain. There are still many things that I have no idea about, and honestly don't want to know. In between all of the pain and heartache, we have had some wonderful things. There have been several  reconnections. We have had lots of laughs, and we have made lots of new memories. I have been praying for God to tear down walls, and to heal in so many areas.  There is so much good we are missing out on. 

One thing I have learned over the last few years is that family is everything. No matter the faults. No matter the drama. No matter what is going on, none of that matters. We are called to love each other. It's so simple, yet so hard for many. 

Grandma Margie and I had some awesome conversations in the hospital last week. One of my favorites..(this is improvised) She told me that she loved all of her kids and grandkids so much that she would never turn her back on them, and when they came back to her she would be there waiting with open arms. She said she never holds on to hurt from the past. She said that she knows she has made a lot of mistakes, but her kids and grandkids were never mistakes and she is so grateful for each and every one of us, even the ones who don't speak to her....

This my friends is family! This is grace. This is love........







My advise for the night.....In the midst of trouble/pain/or whatever else just cry! Let it out...It doesn't matter who is around or who sees you..just cry! It will make you feel better!  Oh and tell people you love them! :) 

Wednesday, June 2, 2021

Pretty Boring

 Why would anyone want to read about my life? I am boring. I don't have any super awesome things that happen to me. I don't travel to exotic places, although I might consider our local Wal-Mart exotic. I don't have highly entertaining things happen to me. I never win anything, and I have had the same hair style basically since I was 13.

This is a small glance into my daily life...Summer edition...School edition is another story.  I am a different human then.

Wake up- I'm not really a morning person, but then randomly I am. Does this make sense? Sometimes my body likes morning and then sometimes it doesn't! I just do what my body says!

Coffee- Instantly.....My mouth waters for coffee! 

Sit! This is the time I try to read my bible! I said TRY! The ADD or ADHD sets in. It normally takes me a few minutes  and I can make it through my reading. At that point, I typically shut it and just talk to God. Sometimes I have a lot to say and sometimes I don't! Here lately I have had lots to say! Lord Jesus help me! After my Jesus talk, I use this time to maybe start a load of laundry before refilling my cup of coffee and heading back to the couch! 

Wait on the kids! My boys are not super early morning people, so normally I have until 9 to do whatever I want. The last week since I have been out of school, I have been scouring the web researching guided reading groups, and math centers. I have learned so much and can't wait to put into place this fall. 

Kids are awake! Time for food and getting ready for the day. Our summer schedule is actually pretty busy, which if you know us is a change from our normal home body lives. We have swim team- Hud, weight lifting-Jag, travel ball-Hud, league ball games and practices  for both boys, oh and Karate for Hud that I normally forget about! 

Between 11-3 most days we are getting humans to the places they need to be. 

The evening is spent cooking supper, going to ballgames if they don't get rained out, and sitting on the couch in pjs by 8pm. 

See....boring! but I wouldn't give it up for the world! I am so grateful for my boring life!

A few other boring things about me....

*Only child and only grandchild! It's the truth! and no I am not spoiled

*I was about 30 before I decided what I wanted to be when I grew up.

*The only sexy lingerie I own is sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt...oh and fuzzy socks!

*I have a slight obsession with anything Disney! 

*I've been on every diet ever known to man since I was 16 and guess what? none of them work!

*Our wedding picture was on J.Crew's website for a few years! 

*Matthew and I met in a shoe store.

*I had the biggest baby in the family and the smallest baby.

*I have no talents. I am boring

*I am left-handed and can't do anything with my right hand. Not even sure why I have it?

*I know absolutely nothing about baseball! Don't ask me one solitary question about it. I might can tell you if we are winning.

*I am highly terrified of blood and needles...like to the point of blacking out! 

That's all the boring I have for you today! 

My advise for the day: Rinse out your dish before you put it in the sink to sit for the night or a few days because that food is a nightmare to scrape out! You may just have to throw it away and start over! Just sayin.....

Now go get some sleep and enjoy your night! 

Lots of love..

Tuesday, June 1, 2021

My Little Piece of the Web

 Wow! I wasn't sure my little piece of the internet still existed, but here she is! I honestly have not given this blog any thought in along time until the other day someone ask  about it.  It has been on my mind ever since. 

Why did you start blogging?", you ask. Well, I was a stay-at-home mom who was battling major depression, living in a town that I really didn't know anyone, and feeling awfully lonely, so what else should I do but start writing. When I started it truly felt like a journal. I have always wrote in a journal so it felt very natural to me. It was very cheap therapy for me! Get me? We all have our ways of dealing...

"Why did I stop?".... I have no real answer for that. I guess life. Being a stay-at-home mom came to a halt and I became extremely busy with "mommin' and working outside of the home". It looks like I wrote a few times in 2019, and then put it away for good. 

I will always treasure this blog as precious memories for me and my family. I love to look back on my life and give God praise for all he has brought me through, and all he has blessed me with. Here it is 2021, and my life is totally different than it was. I'm just a  34 year old, 167lbs of hot mess trying to navigate through life like I somewhat know what I am doing. Do we ever figure this out or will I spend my entire existent looking back asking, "Did that just happen?"

Warning...If you do decide to follow me on this little journey, just know that sometimes I say things that will surprise you as much as they do me. I am horrible with grammar, so if you are reading this to correct my grammar then you better get to steppin'. 

What you see is what you get with me. I don't have anything to hide. I don't pretend to be something I am not, and I am not perfect! Again, if you are looking for these things then click the x on the tab right now! This girl is not what you need! 

I'll leave you with my advise for the day: Take the clothes out of the dryer and put them up immediately! (If not, they will sit in there for a week. Then you might move them to the top of the dryer, and then if you are lucky they may make it to the bed, couch or laundry basket)

Now go enjoy your day! 

Lots of love