Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Being A Preemie Mom!

Preemie...a word I never thought would be part of my life! This word honestly never even crossed my mind until I was in the hospital at 26 weeks. I had no clue the world that comes along with a preemie!
Last night I was getting Hudson to sleep and my mind was flooded with memories over the last 2 years. To say that it has been an adventure is almost an understatement. It has been an experience. It has been life changing.

God has always needed Hudson here and I truly believe he has a divine purpose. I know all babies are miracles but I am blown away with Hudson's story. Even before he was born, Hudson was ready to be here. I was not suppose to get pregnant for 6 months to a year is what the doctor told us. 2 weeks later I was pregnant!!! Yes, we were shocked! At 26 weeks, Hudson was ready to see the world. The doctors managed to keep him in for a week and finally at 27 weeks and 2lbs, he made his debut!  I have never felt so many emotions at one time. Terrified, happy, sad, mad, anxious, and so many others. I had never seen a 2lb baby. What would he look like? Would he be like a normal baby? The doctors were so awesome about preparing us. I only got to see him for about 20 seconds before they rushed him off with his team of doctors, but he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. So tiny and sweet. He fit in the palm of the doctors hand. For 1 minute the world stopped and all I could do was thank God for this sweet baby.

The next 5 months were spent with many tears in a hospital counting down the days until we became an official family of 4. There were many days I had no clue what God had in store for Hudson. Was his time here complete? Was Jagger going to be an only child? Father, why are we going through this? So many questions all the time raging through my mind!
Hudson showed us he is a fighter. He proved time and time again that he was meant to be here with us. He flat lined and coded several times on us, and I can hands down say that is the worst thing I have ever experienced in my life. To see your baby laying there with doctors and nurses yelling and trying to get your lifeless baby back is horrible. I have never felt so helpless.. All I knew to do was turn to God. He was and is in control, whether we like it or not.

As a "preemie" mom my faith has been strengthened. All we had at times was God and prayer. At one time the doctor told us Hudson would have to have heart surgery. He said the only way he would not have surgery would be a miracle from my God. (All the doctors and nurses knew we were very open about our faith) I told him that my God still did miracles. I am pretty sure everyone we knew and more was praying about Hudson. Exactly a week later, that same doctor came in Hudson's room and told me that my God was good! Hudson would not need surgery. The heart was healing on it's own. All I could do was cry! I knew God had us in the palm of his hand!

As a "preemie" mom I have had to learn patience. I have never been one with great patience, but with preemies you need patience. They do things when they are ready and it is not always in the timing that we want! 5 months in a hospital will teach you patience. Even know Hudson does things when he ready. There is no rushing him. We tried potty training...nope not ready, so I just decided to have patience and know that it will happen!

As a "preemie" mom I have learned I am not in control, God is. I have the personality that likes control. On December 18, 2012 in the hospital I had to surrender control to our Heavenly Father. He was in control of Hudson. He was in control of my life. He was in control of our Christmas that year. He was in control of Jagger and Matthew. It has totally taught me to let go of the reins and let him guide us! It is scary at first but oh the peace you feel when you finally let go!

The last 2 years have been hard, but I wouldn't change it for the world. We are beyond blessed to have the sweetest, strong willed preemie ever! He is a miracle and we thank God for the joy he brings our family every day!  We love you Hudson Lynn.

Hope everyone has a blessed day!
Lots of love..

1 comment: