Confession!

So this post is not going to be easy or fun for me but its something that has been on my mind so I feel it needs to be done! I really don't even know where to start but I will first start by confessing that I have a spending money addiction or let me rephrase that "spending money I don't have addiction"...I know, I know..you are probably smiling saying oh, Megan come on..thats not that bad! but seriously it is! It is something that I have been dealing with since I got into college! and what started it was CREDIT CARDS!!!!
I can honestly remember the first day I got sucked in by a credit card! I had gone to get all my books for college and of course the bill for them was about $600! That is so stupid- but we will save that for another day! Anyways, my grandmother was going to pay for the books but she was not with me so instead I told her I put them on the credit card and then pay it off as soon as I got the money! Well I apply for the card (and let me remind you I am 18 at the time), and I instantly get approved for $2500!!!! WHAT???? and this is no interest for a year!(this makes me so mad at the credit card companies because no 18 year needs a $2500 limit) As an 18 year old that no nothing about credit cards I thought I had hit the lottery! but I kept telling myself that all I was going to put on it was the books and then when I got the money pay it off! Well....I got the books!!   Then when I got the money, what did I do???? I bought the $100 lacoste shirt I thought I would die without and then I bought these amazing shoes and I went out to eat several times and no telling what else!!! so of course the credit card did not get paid off and then I was without $600 dollars! so then it just turned into this vicious cycle! I think this is when alot of my depression started too because on the days that things were not going good I would run to the mall and buy anything in sight! I even opened another credit card and had it almost maxed out in 6 months! Oh and of course my Victoria's Secret card that was my pride and joy! I was working so I was paying on them but I would pay all my checks on them and then be out of money so I would have to use them again for gas, groceries and other things! So for almost 4 years this went on! It is something I was not proud of! I would lay awake at night and cry because I didn't know what to do! Only several times I got behind and would have to call mom and she would bail me out! and this made me feel even more like a scum bag because I was having to ask my mom for help (not something I enjoy doing) So anyways, this all went on until Matthew and I got married! When we got married, we got all my "baggage" paid off! I cried for a solid day because I felt like 1,000lbs had been lifted off of me! It was also something that broke my heart because I had to put Matthew through this! I felt like he was having to pay for my stupid choices!  I had done so good and then about a year ago I got a credit card and it was because I was working at the childrens store here in town and I had products in the store! I used the card strictly to buy stuff for the store and then would turn around and pay it off! I did great but then I started buying other things here and there, or using it for gas! I am NO where close to being where I was in college but I have felt over the last few months that God has really been on me about this! I just never want to get in the position I was. I almost felt like a slave to a credit card! and that is not a good thing! About 2 months ago, I decided to cut up all my credit cards so that way I would not even have the temptation! I don't know why, but the last few weeks I have really felt like Satan has been trying to suck me back into this ugly hole of spending money! Its driving me insane! I have had to really pray about it and this is the first time but I have finally confessed to God that I have this problem and that I need to be healed of it!
I have learned over the years credit cards are just horrible! There is nothing good from them! The only way they are good is if you can turn around and pay it completely off at the end of the month! Other than that DO NOT get sucked into them! and I find it funny that the only time I ever felt good was right when I was buying but then when I got home it was like guilt and I didn't even like what I bought! Its horrible and nothing to be proud of! I have learned if we don't have the cash for it then we don't need it! God has provided us with the money we need and if something is more than what we have then he doesn't think we need it!
I hope yall dont' think I am nuts but I know this is something that others go through! Its not fun and its something that has to be taken care of or it can get out of control! Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I work through this!
Matthew 19:26  With God all things are possible!!!
Hope everyone has a blessed day!