I have a confession. I need to vent. I need to get things off my chest. I feel burdened. I am not ok. The last 6 months have not been the best for me. I am not sure what is wrong with me or what has happened to me. I think it all started with winter when everyone was getting sick constantly. It put me in a "spot" and I can't seem to get out of it! I don't like the person I have become. I have not been ME! I have put my faith and other relationships on the back burners. I have no desire to do things. I haven't been going to church. I have not had quite time in I can't even remember when. I feel like my life at times is strictly Sleep. Eat. Play. Laundry. Doctor. Sleep. Eat. Play. Laundry. Doctor. Sleep. I am not on here writing to make anyone feel sorry for me. This is for me. I need to face this and then also know that others have been through this before! I know this will pass and that God is with me but there have been times I have questioned. I know this is wrong of me but I guess you get in such a "spot" at times its all you can focus on. I am ready to laugh. I am ready to not worry about the mountain of doctor bills. I am ready to have energy. I am ready to wake up early to spend time with my Savior. I am ready to be the mom and wife my family deserves!!
As I am sitting here, I am also mad at myself for feeling like this. I am beyond blessed. I mean come on, I have an amazing husband, and two gorgeous healthy babies. We are financially able for me to stay home..Yes a job for me would be super but not in the cards right now. I have been telling myself over and over that I should be in a wonderful spot right now. I should be loving every second of every day..I have no reasons to put the world before God or to be living this "worldly" life I have been living.
This morning when I got the boys settled with breakfast and a cartoon, I decided I would sit down with the bible and see what God could show me. My bible was already open to Ephesians 4-5 and verses immediately started coming at me. Verses that made me start crying because I know God was giving them to me, crying because I know I have not been living the life he would be proud of- quick to anger, putting the world first, jealousy, bitterness.....Trust me this is not easy for me to admit! I want to be perfect but I am human!!
Well there is my confession. I already feel better. I hope that you will not think any less of me or think that I have lost my mind!
Hope everyone has a blessed day!
Lots of love..
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