Kids Say The Darndest Thing!!

This is my Jagger edition of Kids say the darndest things!! He has always been super funny and I could kick myself for not writing all of what he says down but tonight since he is with me I have to write about him!
* Jagger: "momma, what is that thing in daddy's throat that moves up and down?" Me: Adam's Apple! Jagger: Madams mapple?? Whats that? He gets quiet for about two seconds and before I can answer says, "I think it is a mouse in there!" Me: ok sounds good!!! A couple of days later he asks me if all boys have a mouse in their throats!!!

* We told Jagger we wanted to go eat at the Chessecake Factory and he was super excited! He had never been before! We walk in the doors, he looks around and says No I dont want to eat here! Where are the machines that make the cheese???

* Jagger: "Daddy, what are those sticks old people put in their mouth that are on fire?" Matthew: What? Jagger: what are those sticks old people put in their mouth thats on fire? Ricky and Everett(Grandpa's farm hands) at the farm put those sticks in their mouth!! Matthew: OH....sticks you should never try!! Cigarettes! We laughed so hard over this one!

* Jagger told Poppa that he got his own car! Pop ask what kind. Jagger tells him, " O, one that has all the windows busted out with trash bags taped to them to keep me warm!!"

* If we are talking sometimes Jagger will say, Guys can we change the subject?

* In the NICU to get in you have to have a badge and be over a certain age! This made Jagger very upset! We had told him he needed a photo id and be over 16 to get in! He walks up to the lady and tells her he is 16 and that he forgot his photo id in kennett! She cracked up!!!


There are so many more but my brain can't think! I love the mind of a child! The world would be a happy place if we could all think like them!
Please say an extra prayer for Hudson. He got his 2 month shots this morning and they say its really hard on them! He will probably not have a good day! :(
Hope everyone has a blessed day!

Why?

Why did this happen to us? Why did God choose us for this? Why are we having to go through this? Why, why, why???? These are things that go through my head alot! I have really had a hard time the last few days especially knowing that Hudson is almost 37 weeks(gestation age). I feel like for the 2nd time I have been robbed of something that is suppose to be so special-the birth of your baby! Many of you that know us or have read my blog know that I had a bad delivery with Jagger, and now obviously a crappy time with Hudson! I feel like God did not really make me to deliver babies! Several times over the last week I have gotten upset because I am suppose to still be pregnant! I am suppose to be at home getting a nursery ready and picking out cute baby stuff! I am also broken hearted because Matthew and I have officially decided no more babies! I cant stand the thought of putting our family and another baby through this again! My chances are extremely high of getting this again and I just can't even imagine it a second time! I know that is not 100% guarantee and God is in control but I feel he has blessed with two precious boys that we can enjoy!
I can not believe Hudson is almost 2 months old!! The time has truly gone by fast! He has had a really good weekend! Today he was worn out but still doing well. They noticed he was working pretty hard to breathe so they took xrays and found extra fluid on his lungs! They decided to bump up the lasix to get rid of it! Tonight at 9pm he was suppose to try and take his 1 bottle but he just couldnt do it. I dont think he had enough energy but the nurse said that was ok! We can try again tomorrow! So instead of worrying about he got fed through his feeding tube and I sang him to sleep! I was rocking him in the chair and singing Jesus Loves Me and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, the next thing I know the nurse is waking me up so we could put him to bed! Needless to say we both truly enjoyed the "cuddle" time! It was a great way to end the day!
I am also super happy because my Jagger is going to be up here with me all week!! :)
Hope everyone has a blessed night!

Progress!

Well...Hudson is making progress and we are all so happy! I will have to say that I have been "walking on egg shells" the last several days! I guess I am so nervous that he might go backwards again! The nurse finally told me yesterday to relax! I had to pray this morning that God would help me to relax and to enjoy these good days! I know its just Satan trying to steal my joy but I am not going to let him!
Now saying all this does not mean we are coming home next week! We still will be here for awhile! :( this is the part I don't like. Just because he is doing better we still have to stay! He has alot more to learn and alot more growing to do! But I do feel we are heading in the right direction! He is the sweetest little thing! I just love watching him! Yesterday they took the top off of his bed! He is regulating his temperature so well he does't need the heat anymore! I love this because I can get closer to him. It is easier for me to talk and sing to him. He loves having the lid up. He just looks around and watches everything!
Well its time for me to get ready...I finally get to see Jagger today after two weeks! I cant hardly wait!!
Please keep up the prayers!!
Hope everyone has a blessed day!

Million Dollar Baby!

I never dreamed that I could honestly say that I have a million dollar baby! When we finally get done with this situation Hudson Lynn will be our million dollar baby! On day 19 of being in the hospital we were at $200,000, so we can average this out to $10,000 a day! He will probably be here around 5 months total so for all you math people that can do this in your head....It comes out to a very LARGE amount.....1.5 million to be exact! And that is without blood transfusions(we have had 4!) and all the other stuff! Plus we also have my wonderful medical bills!!! CRAZY!! I know you are sitting here thinking how in the world are they gonna do it??? I ask myself the same question alot but Honestly I have no idea! God will take care of us! He will show us the way, and actually since Hudson is qualified as "disabled" because of birth weight our social worker is saying we will probably get medicad or care which ever one! I cant keep up with all this. I am just so happy I have people here everyday that look after us!
The last several days have been really good! I know I have posted in a few days but I have been busy! Matthew was here with me then my best friend Jennifer and her mom came to visit! I have enjoyed being able to get out and clear my head! Day in and day out of sitting in a hospital room with no windows and lots of sick babies around you will start getting to you! Don't get me wrong I do enjoy my quite time but after awhile a break is nice! I am really looking forward to this weekend! My sweet Jagger will be here! It has been two weeks since I have seen him and its killing me! I can't hardly look at his picture without crying! I am just ready for the day our family is back together! Im ready for Jagger to actually get to be a big brother! I'm ready for our tears to be happy instead of sad! I know these days are coming and I try not to get down and out about all of it! The one thing I continue to tell myself is that God needs me here and not in Kennett right now! I know I say this over and over but please keep the prayers up! We feel them and I know they are working!!
Hope everyone has a blessed day!
Love to all!

Yay!!

Well today has been a fantastic day!!! The only way it would be better is if we were home! I got to sleep in this morning! Once I got up and got around, Lisa, our primary nurse, called and told me to hurry to the hospital because Hudson was going to be getting a bottle! Wooohooo this is awesome news! I jumped out of bed and hurried to the hospital! When I got here, Hudson was sucking away on his paci! It was precious! He loves it and when you take it out of his mouth, he starts reaching like crazy for it!
Lisa told me it wasn't quite time for his feeing but she brought me sushi for lunch so I would have time to eat before feeding! By the way, Lisa is amazing! We love her so much and I keep telling here we are going to win the lottery while we are here so that she can just move to kennett with us! After I got finished eating it was Hudson's turn! He did awesome! He only took 7cc, but he did great! His heart rate never dropped. His sats never dropped! He didn't spit up, so that means he was swallowing! We were so proud! After taking 7ccs he was exhausted! Lisa explained it wears them out bc they are working so hard! They have to learn to coordinate so many things at once! I was thinking to myself when we got done how this is something we take for granted. I can't imagine having to learn to eat, swallow and breathe at the same time. It doesn't seem like a big deal but its a huge deal!
The rest of the day has been uneventful! I have just been waiting in my sweet husband to get here! This is the first weekend we have been alone! If Hudson acts like a good boy then I think we might try a date tomorrow night! I am looking forward to that!
As far as sweet Jagger, he is having a hard time! He really misses me and cries alot! It kills me! I just feel like my heart is ripping out! Matthew was reading him his bible last night and Jagger started crying and told Matthew not to read anymore because thats what his mommy reads to him! :( Please keep our Jagger in your prayers! I just constantly pray that God will give him comfort to not be so upset! I am also hoping that next week if Hudson is still doing well that Jagger could come up and stay a day with me all by himself! We need some time alone! I think it would both do us some good!
Hope everyone had a blessed day!

Heartache!

Today my heart aches for my friend Michele and her baby boy Jackson! We have become good friends at Ronald McDonald! Jackson is not doing well and is basically given no hope. Tonight when she texted me, her and her husband were spending time loving on that baby! I am so happy they are given that chance! She is a wonderful woman and has a sweet family so please continue to pray for them!
My dad has been here with me over the last few days and he has just continue to make comments about how children/babies shouldn't be aloud to suffer and just how sad it is that there so many sick babies.....My answer everytime: Yes, dad is sucks but unfortunately it will continue to happen until we get to Heaven!! Won't that be wonderful! No tears and no sickness in heaven! Wow!!!
Today was a pretty quite day! Tomorrow will be the echo to look at his heart. I keep praying that God will perform a miracle and the PDA will be closed but if its not I know its all in his plan! Dad and I went and ate at a super cool place called Blueberry Hill- voted best hamburger in St. Louis! And yes it was amazing! This place is really old and has tons of music memorabilia. They also play alot of Elvis Music which I love! We then hit up the Disney store and got the boys a few "goodies"! My dad's thing is getting Hudson Disney stuffed animals for his room! So far we have Pooh, Mickey and Piglet! They are so cute and Hudson is fascinated by them when you put them up to his incubator so he can see them! We crack up! He always smiles at Mickey!
The rest of the day was pretty quiet! Dad and I read books while Hudson rested!
Hope everyone has a blessed night!

Food!!

Food.. If you know me then you know that I am a "foodie"!! I love Food!! I am almost obsessed. I have always had a passion for food. I like to cook it and I like to eat it. I love junk food, healthy food, home grown food, vegetarian food, frozen food, dessert foods, breakfast foods, and everything in between! I collect cookbooks and love spending time in the grocery store! I have even been known to ask whats for lunch while we are eating breakfast!!! :)
So while I have been here in St. Louis, I have made it my goal to find all the best restaurants and give them a try!! Hudson gets a new medical team every two weeks and new nurses every day so I have gotten lots of opinions! I have a restaurant list made so whenever someone gives me a suggestion I write it down! Several of the nurses laugh at me because they say they have lived here 20 years and never been to some of the places I have been! One of our nurses, September, says that I need to go to a Food Anonymous meeting... :) i just think I would make a good food critic! I have also learned that St. louis is the home to several food items: toasted ravioli, oooeey (not sure spelling)butter cake, ice cream cones, and a few other things I can't remember!
Today for lunch, dad and I decided to have BBQ! We went to Pappy's! Everyone we have talked to said its the best BBQ in St. Louis! Well guess what? They were right. That was some of the best BBQ I have ever put in my mouth! I will be going there again!
If you have been to St. louis do you have a favorite place to eat??

Hudson had a pretty good day today but as the doc said he got his "red bull" (blood transfusion) and is feeling good! You could for sure tell he was feeling better! He actually broke his breathing tube today! He is a very strong boy! I was not happy with him over this because they had to put him under to put the new one in and when he woke up he was very MAD!! The doctor had to give him meds to calm down he was so mad and then he fell asleep on us! He was so asleep while he was giving him a bath tonight he didn't even flinch! His arms were like noodles! We were cracking up! More than likely he will have to have surgery on the chamber in his heart! The doctor is almost positive that is why the murmur is so loud and why we can't get him weaned off the vent! We will know more Wednesday about the surgery! I am nervous about surgery bc no matter what it is a major surgery. Everyone handles things different but I guess it will be out of our control and i Gods! All I can do is pray and trust what he has in store!
Please continue to pray for my sweet friend Michele and her baby Jackson!
Hope everyone has a blessed night!