Wednesday, January 9, 2013

4 Years!!

Well I am just going to go ahead and start by saying I cant stop crying! Yes thats right, and its a good thing the Ipad has a screen protector on it because the tears and snot are all over it (not really..i have already cleaned it) and this is not over Hudson. Its over my sweet Jagger! I keep telling myself this is ok because in the Bible Jesus wept, so its ok for me! Today is Jagger's 4th birthday! I can not believe my sweet blue eyed boy is 4! Where have the years gone? Through this whole situation I feel that I have handled everything pretty well but honestly tonight I am upset! I am angry. I am suppose to still be pregnant and at home. Tonight I would be blowing up a ton of balloons and putting them in his room so when he woke up it would be balloons galore ( thank you pinterest!) but Im not! Im sitting in St Louis watching and praying over Hudson! I know I am being selfish but it kills me I can not even hug my baby boy on his Birthday! No hugs, no cake, no presents..nothing! As I sit here, I know this is all in God's plan and believe me when I get to Heaven this will be the first thing I ask him about! :)
Again I know Im just being selfish because Jagger is coming up on Friday so we can celebrate but I just need to vent and feel sorry for myself! Of course right now there is no other place I want to be than here beside Hudson because as a mommy thats what I need to do! He needs me right now, but I am ready for all this to be over so we can be a family together at our home!
Hope everyone had a blessed day!


  1. All the mothers will understand your feelings and right now this mother is saying a prayer for your broken heart and hoping God's plan will be that you are home soon with both your babies and then you will have time to cuddle with them and just be the good mommie that you are. Love you guys and wish for you a Happy Friday Birthday....

  2. I'm sorry for all your tears!!! Just know that you and your family are being prayed for!!!! HUGS!